3 Hidden Reasons Your Partner Picks A Fight With You | Dating Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

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  • Published: 09 May 2019
  • Mat Boggs shares dating advice for women and 3 underlying reasons your partner might be picking fights with you, and how to resolve these conflicts before they arise..
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    Mat Boggs Bio:
    As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
    As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs? dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
    Mat?s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
    As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
    Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
    If you’re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here: www.crackingthemancode.com/coaching/
    Directed and Editing By: Alexis Garcia
    Written By: Mathew Boggs

    Related Topics:
    Dating Advice For Women
    Relationship Advice For Women
    Relationship Coach For Women
    Dating Coach For Women
    Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.

Comments • 86

  • Snap
    Snap  Saat əvvəl

    Wow interesting information!

    • Mark Jamson
      Mark Jamson  9 gün əvvəl

      I would recommend you just contact @hacking_access on Instagram. he is an expert on accounts and Website Hack, he helped me hack into my cheating partner's device,It seemed as though my life was spinning out of control getting to find out my partner has someone else. and I was able to read all the text. you can also message him on WhatsApp +1(937)815-1491

      • Jennifer McKinley
        Jennifer McKinley  11 gün əvvəl

        Omg..truth bombs..I never realised. Thanks Mat

        • Albertini55
          Albertini55  Ay əvvəl

          When captain america starts to make videos in youtube

          • Pamela Relatado
            Pamela Relatado  2 ay əvvəl

            Anything you can add about Long Distance Relationship. I have been talking to one for 3 years now. And I don’t really know if we have a chance. But I watched some videos some took 7 to 10 years before they decided to see each other. Pls I need help!!!

            • Cakez253
              Cakez253  3 ay əvvəl

              Not sure I understand why people fight more when intimacy is increased? Is it because you get annoyed by someone who's around all the time?

              • PoemPraise2
                PoemPraise2  3 ay əvvəl

                Experience this currently.

                • rezotydnic
                  rezotydnic  3 ay əvvəl

                  This is spot on. Although, we have yet to have a 'fight'. Over 2 years. But distance has been involved. Ie him working away 6 months at a time.

                  • Sarah Mew
                    Sarah Mew  3 ay əvvəl

                    I'm lucky to be in a relationship where we've built a great foundation where we are able to communicate our feelings, and able to solve silly fights like no. 1 and no. 2. It wasn't all perfect, but we both want it to work and are both putting in a great deal of effort where needed. No. 3 is usually my problem, but now I've got to the point where i rather send him a ' i would like some lovin' please' text and he'd be more than happy to give me more a ton of attention. He listens and understand its what i need and i don't expect him to give me constant attention anymore and become overbearing to him. I'm happy.

                    • Valerie DeMoss
                      Valerie DeMoss  3 ay əvvəl

                      Great job showing how our none-conscious mind works!! If it's not align with your conscious mind, it will cause a fight every time! I have experienced all 3 examples because of our jobs & life style. You really need to have an open heart and recognize how your 2 minds work. You can make the work together (there are some great programs to help understand this concept) or ...fight then flight: avoid & feel deprived or leave & be lonely.

                      • Pittsburgh girl
                        Pittsburgh girl  3 ay əvvəl

                        Omg I love this type of videos great job matt 💜👍

                        • Ranie Jordan
                          Ranie Jordan  3 ay əvvəl

                          Yes! As a solo-parent who has no significant other and few close relationships- I see this with my 3 kids ALL. THE. TIME. (And, I can see that I do this, too...)

                          • elnara1
                            elnara1  3 ay əvvəl

                            Mathew Boggs, could you explain why some men pick up a fight when they are in a long term relationship and want a break up. Why can’t they just say that they want a break up? Why do they behave so badly, making the girl to initiate a break up? It is a childish behavior and I don’t understand it

                            • Azin Sunny
                              Azin Sunny  3 ay əvvəl

                              Great video Matt :) My experience with my boyfriend is that we almost never fight. And after a while we realized it is actually healthy to let things out sometimes and have a little fight, without assulting. And fortunately those fights last short because we can’t stay mad at each other and try to solve it quickly, in a logical way.

                              • Mireille Claire
                                Mireille Claire  3 ay əvvəl

                                Wow, Mat, this is extremely interesting!

                                • Jennifer Ayoub
                                  Jennifer Ayoub  3 ay əvvəl

                                  This makes a lot of sense to me, I've seen it with good relationships and bad relationships. Usually it is coming for a need for attention. The key part like you said is the volume of attention that is needed to satisfy the relationship at any given moment.

                                  • Tricia Drepaul-Saul
                                    Tricia Drepaul-Saul  3 ay əvvəl

                                    Wow! Very informative. Thanks!

                                    • Annupriya Setia
                                      Annupriya Setia  3 ay əvvəl

                                      I feel like i myself fall in number 3, we have been dating for 5 months and lately coz my bf has been busy with long commute and new job, i am not able to cope up, and its really affecting our relationship. its hard for me to not being able to explain myself :(

                                      • Colleen Marion
                                        Colleen Marion  3 ay əvvəl

                                        Good stuff, thank you! It seems like these are behavior patterns with anxious and avoidant attachment styles.. maladaptive as they are 😐

                                        • Missy Bailey
                                          Missy Bailey  3 ay əvvəl

                                          I blew up on my boyfriend a week I was trying to find his appointment and I was using my Google map to find it and I was looking vat it and he was telling me it was there and blew up big time but my body doesn't drive he has anxiety bad driving in the car and we going to go on a minnie trip in July and I am driving I have told him to tell me right or left NOT TO GO THERE he is doing better I have so much to watch out for us in the car We will see what happens 😒

                                          • Heather E
                                            Heather E  3 ay əvvəl

                                            Great Advice

                                            • Danielle Burrows
                                              Danielle Burrows  3 ay əvvəl

                                              Omg me and my hubby only fall out when we go on date night that's is crazy I had identified the pattern but couldn't work out why I thought it was anxiety about change of routine. Love your video

                                              • Elena N
                                                Elena N  3 ay əvvəl

                                                The camera seems to be very anxious LOL

                                                • intuitive self-love
                                                  intuitive self-love  3 ay əvvəl

                                                  Lol isn't this dysfunction? Not being able to manage your emotions?😂 I don't know.

                                                  • Jayamila Persson
                                                    Jayamila Persson  3 ay əvvəl

                                                    No it means being human, you can only manage your emotions to a degree, and you are never at top of your emotions all the time or you never do anything stupid because your emotions got the better of you, you are probably a psykopath or dead.

                                                    • Intuitivelogic
                                                      Intuitivelogic  3 ay əvvəl

                                                      Hey are names are similar, self love , best drug, I'm above , watch out below , might land on your sailboat, and eat a cantaloupe, while I...... make .. a . fur coat... That was a great rhyme Anyways , its definitely an emotional intelligence issue

                                                      • unerosesauvage
                                                        unerosesauvage  3 ay əvvəl

                                                        This is me 😅 I finally realize why I sometimes get irritated by my husband 😆

                                                        • A.C Artist
                                                          A.C Artist  3 ay əvvəl

                                                          We are not a couple, he is a bouncer and I am a customer in the place where he works and we live miles apart, so he doesn't see me every week, it would be every month or less and we haven't shared contact info yet and we have a very deep connection it seems. yes, with me randomly he has behaved like a bully by trying to bin my food, after asking me if it was for him, he was mean and asked me what my name was again, I told him he kind of scared me the week before and that is when walked away. I got very frustrated with him. strangely he was highly affectionate to female customers, like he really craved love, attention and affection but I was afraid to let him be intimate with me in-case he might behave like a bully to me again.

                                                          • Vana Phill
                                                            Vana Phill  3 ay əvvəl

                                                            He picks a fight to leave the house by himself to go cheat or hang out.

                                                            • Chem Nrd
                                                              Chem Nrd  3 ay əvvəl

                                                              Thanks for the perspective on why my ex-husband would pick a fight right before every college exam I had while we were together.

                                                              • Yosi Osiris
                                                                Yosi Osiris  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                This is really valuable info.

                                                                • Chuck
                                                                  Chuck  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                  Common Mathew lets not fight, we need more video ASAP! Your view counts arent what they used to be, how will we get the message out there. . We need to get the messages out there and help as many clueless people as possible! ALL IN HIGH STAKES, LETS DO THISSSS!!!!!!!!

                                                                  • Benny Bodash
                                                                    Benny Bodash  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                    I recognized everyone of these, thank you!

                                                                    • Kaitlyn Barrett
                                                                      Kaitlyn Barrett  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                      Interesting, I never understood reasons to pick a fight. Honestly I have not ever picked a fight for any of these reasons. My ex was the one to create these fights due to the first and last reason.

                                                                      • Lo Go
                                                                        Lo Go  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                        Yes!!! I was just telling my boyfriend everytime he's leaving on a trip he has to make a fight over something. NOW I SEE WHY!Makes me feel good knowing that is more than likely the reason behind his anger, is that he will be pained being away from me. I am glad I am aware of this. Thank you Matt!!

                                                                        • dev0n james
                                                                          dev0n james  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                          If you get in a fight with your partner break up with them right away.

                                                                          • Jackie Kemp
                                                                            Jackie Kemp  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                            How do I get my man to be honest. I'm suspecting he is cheating on me, but he refuse to tell me the truth. It is driving me crazy not knowing. How do I get him to admit. If it is true, I will leave him and he know it.

                                                                            • Charlene Bernard
                                                                              Charlene Bernard  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                              After watching this video. I am realizing that being single is a good thing. A real good thing!! Great video Matt...you are soo awesome with yr message!!

                                                                              • Tanya t
                                                                                Tanya t  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                I recently lost my husband. And was beating myself up about the anniversaries we would disagree heartedly on. U have helped me to come to terms with a very painful memory. Which has now become a special thought. A step to closer intimacy. U will never know how u have helped me. Thank u. This message will get lost and u may not even read it. But i hope it helps all grieving widows and widowers experiencing guilt over the diagreements on special days and nights. To all those who have passed...we love u even more now. 🌹

                                                                                • maggie Villanueva
                                                                                  maggie Villanueva  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                  Omg!!! That's why I'm such a pain in the a**! My poor bf... Im always picking up fights when he leaves or if Im not gonna see him in a few days... Makes sense now lol

                                                                                  • Alice Dery
                                                                                    Alice Dery  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                    Your last point is is very very true I express this sometimes ago

                                                                                    • Nicol Alblushi
                                                                                      Nicol Alblushi  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                      Thanks Mat....theu a really good ones....

                                                                                      • Ari World
                                                                                        Ari World  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                        Best video I've seen in a while! Very informative, thank you Matt :)))

                                                                                        • Laura Winters
                                                                                          Laura Winters  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                          OMG! Mat, you nailed it. I just experienced this very exact thing. A man that I love very much just went on a trip to visit his family in Chicago and the night he returned I was so happy to see him, but I started a fight with him because I wanted his attention so badly. I also wanted to separate myself from him because while he was away I came to the realization that one of my friends are in love with him and I was pissed with him because I feel like he does things to give her the impression that he cares about her too. With all that said yes, this video was totally spot on and since this all just happened last Thursday night I really feel like the universe wanted me to understand why I blew up at him. He's still trying to understand why I'm upset with and currently not speaking to him, and now I understand why I did what I did. Thanks Mat.

                                                                                          • Mais J
                                                                                            Mais J  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                            Mathew, how to ask for attention in a healthy way? Especially for proud partners.

                                                                                            • Jessica barajas
                                                                                              Jessica barajas  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                              U just spoke volumes... U explained me, to me... Now im excited for these 3 moments to reappear so that I can recognize it, understand me, (or him) ultimately deflating or smoothing out our feelings and anxieties. ...🙌

                                                                                              • Wildwoman
                                                                                                Wildwoman  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                Long ago when I was married, in the beginning my ex would get crazy, while we were getting ready to go out. We both came from larger familes. Somehow, I was inspired to ask him, remembering my teen years of 5 siblings getting ready to go someplace with one bathroom, and, little ones to help dress, if he had a similar experience. Magically these stressful getting ready to go somewhere times ended. I also learned about separation anxiety back then and often said to snarly people in my life, when parting, "this is just separation anxiety". Long ago I heard this question to ask the other when they started huffing, "Where does it hurt?". Thanks the reminders and the clear explanations.

                                                                                                • Lila Walker
                                                                                                  Lila Walker  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                  This is literally life changing information! Thank you 🙏

                                                                                                  • Judy R
                                                                                                    Judy R  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                    I’ve been doing these lately 🤦🏻‍♀️ especially being in a long distance relationship.

                                                                                                    • Intuitivelogic
                                                                                                      Intuitivelogic  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                      @Judy R That's a beautiful thing! I feel like alot of men and women have had their comfortability with directly expressing their feelings shaken due to the clueless dismissive nature of alot of people (guys are worse) and this rejection manifested into a lack of understanding their own emotions because they have been disregarded in the way they may have vulnerably hoped to be understood and they may subconsciously feel it's inappropriate to even do it all together But if a partner cant be empathetic to your emotional experience, as long as it isnt coming from a place that is steeped in being overly insecure to the point that it's actually controlling , they should be open to reassuring you and helping solve the issue or they dont deserve your time . My ex was a full blown narcissist, fun ride

                                                                                                      • Judy R
                                                                                                        Judy R  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                        Intuitivelogic yes, I’m glad I became aware of what I was doing. I was able to communicate with him and let him know about the video I came across, and how I will continue to work on my communication ! I am lucky to have him listen and understand where I was coming from❤️

                                                                                                        • Intuitivelogic
                                                                                                          Intuitivelogic  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                          You really got to be careful with that, if your partner cant read through and see the truth of the matter or sees it and addresses it and you keep doing it without adapting, it might actually push him away and you may consequently actually lose or weaken what you are trying to express you want more of .My little brother is ready to snap because his girlfriend keeps doing these things

                                                                                                          • Edith
                                                                                                            Edith  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                            I don't understand the 1st one. 😐

                                                                                                            • Brytanika Gonzalez
                                                                                                              Brytanika Gonzalez  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                              I wrote this before watching this all the way. I think it's that he wants my attention more and we don't live together he always gets like this not the cheating stuff but acts out when we don't get to spend as much time.

                                                                                                              • Brytanika Gonzalez
                                                                                                                Brytanika Gonzalez  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                Could this be why my husband has accused me of cheating the past two nights? Because before that we were so great and out of no where he starts accusing me of cheating. I think he's afraid when things are great and picks fights subconsciously but it's not an excuse. I'm heart broken. I love him and have invested 8 years into this relationship with children and he's also so insecure and has no reason to be. Help me Matt please!! You are the reason our relationship took an amazing turn for the better in the first place, how do I respond to this or how can it be fixed if it can?

                                                                                                                • Hiba M Khalbous
                                                                                                                  Hiba M Khalbous  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                  But how to ask for attention in a good way?

                                                                                                                  • X. Li
                                                                                                                    X. Li  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                    Please make one episode for the topic of “How to ask attention in healthy way?”

                                                                                                                    • Lana Hudson
                                                                                                                      Lana Hudson  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                      I am guilty of being two and three without fail... sometimes you just don't know how to communicate with each other and everyone says the wrong thing..

                                                                                                                      • Pat Graves
                                                                                                                        Pat Graves  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                        Thank you so much! I have experienced all 3 with my fiance. This is extremely helpful. Could you make a video on how to respond to diffuse those types of arguments or head them off once you realize whats happening. I'd like to be able to stop it in its tracks so that we can move forward in our intimacy in a healthy manner and also reducing the separation anxiety would be wonderful and greatly appreciated if you could. Thank you so much this info is so powerful.

                                                                                                                        • jse4730
                                                                                                                          jse4730  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                          dude this drone thing is no bueno. sorry!

                                                                                                                          • Gidget Haser
                                                                                                                            Gidget Haser  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                            Omg.. that makes sense. My boyfriend n I never argue but the other day he started n arguement out of the blue. I didn't understand it then but ur video helped. The days prior we had been talking about him moving totally in with me. Could it b his fear of taking the next step? He has lived alone for 15 yrs till now n we r on a job out of town living together in a hotel, which has gotten him thinking about when we go back home in a few months.

                                                                                                                            • ScotsLeo Queen
                                                                                                                              ScotsLeo Queen  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                              Loved this clarification vid! 8yr marriage & some really dumb fights lol NOW i realize the why, esp #3 😁 Thank you for another great one

                                                                                                                              • Deborah Vallez
                                                                                                                                Deborah Vallez  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                I saw this as a kid with my parents before Dad would go on deployments in the military.

                                                                                                                                • Kate Kate
                                                                                                                                  Kate Kate  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                  same here

                                                                                                                                  • C Connelly
                                                                                                                                    C Connelly  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                    I don't get why an increase in intimacy would cause a fight.

                                                                                                                                    • Ginseng MacKay-Tisbert
                                                                                                                                      Ginseng MacKay-Tisbert  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                      it has to do with comfort levels, comfort zones, and the level of intimacy you are acclimated to interacting at. I thought this.video was.really smart, because I do that.

                                                                                                                                      • Nancy Buchanan
                                                                                                                                        Nancy Buchanan  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                        Wish I knew this three yrs ago. I'd come home from work and he'd be home all day and start a fight because when he got the mail my married name wasn't on it. An ad from a fuel company! Unbelievable But now I know.

                                                                                                                                        • Latonga Austin
                                                                                                                                          Latonga Austin  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                          I knew it! Everytime I get ready to go out of town he would start a argument. The last time it was so bad I thought we were really done because it lasted 2 1/2 months

                                                                                                                                          • Radhika Singh
                                                                                                                                            Radhika Singh  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                            Spot on

                                                                                                                                            • Dyæn N
                                                                                                                                              Dyæn N  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                              Hi Matt, now I understand. My mum and I had a fight when I was 20yrs old. I was moving from the rural to urban town to start work. I felt remorseful. That's very informative.👍

                                                                                                                                              • mangiaorecchie
                                                                                                                                                mangiaorecchie  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                I needed this! Thank you

                                                                                                                                                • Jo-Racel Casanova
                                                                                                                                                  Jo-Racel Casanova  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                  thank you Matt! =) i've been repeatedly watching your videos and everytime, it reminds me that we are all worth loving and capable of loving and being loved in return. I couldn't say that I strictly follow all your advices but your topics in the videos all make sense to me like this one. My husband and I are newly married and we couldn't get rid of fights especially when I'm overthinking and feeling like I am not appreciated. But I believe in honesty and being honest with him about my feelings no matter how shallow it is helps our relationship in a way that it offloads all the emotions I have within myself which in turn encourages him to do the same. Talking with him about any issue, fear, anxiety at all times made us understand each other more and by doing so, we became more close. That kind of intimacy is so important for couples because that's how you connect deeper with your partner and that's really important for couples to understand. I'm feeling very much positive that my beloved husband and I will continue to grow in our relationship and love each other more in the face of all the challenges that's ahead of us. No one is perfect but I believe that when you commit to love someone for the rest of your life, it means that you dedicate yourself to be his/her best friend at all times.

                                                                                                                                                  • Intuitivelogic
                                                                                                                                                    Intuitivelogic  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                    That is wonderful , I'm happy to hear you are feeling a sense of connectivity with your partner , alot of people tend to internalize alot of emotional dealings and get lost in the idea that is what independence is supposed to be and sharing might feel unnatural . It's nice to have someone who you feel genuinely cares when you open up to express those sentiments that have been internalized to be so personal It's best to directly express your feelings and not act through them , instead of feeling insecure and trying to indirectly validate it , its always more healthy to just express your concern , and a good partner worth keeping should be able to empathize

                                                                                                                                                    • sputnik2100
                                                                                                                                                      sputnik2100  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                      Im guilty mostly at number 2, worst combo when i meet a guy w issues at N.1... Trap 22

                                                                                                                                                      • Irina Mayorova
                                                                                                                                                        Irina Mayorova  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                        So true! I've recently picked a fight with my partner and was surprised myself that I did.. Now I see it was all because he didn't text me for a day before and I was worried of he actually likes me 🙈

                                                                                                                                                        • Billie Borres
                                                                                                                                                          Billie Borres  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                          :) made sense :)

                                                                                                                                                          • Sharna Khan
                                                                                                                                                            Sharna Khan  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                            Omg😱what a informative video 😍😍Thank you sooo much dear 😊

                                                                                                                                                            • LG XO
                                                                                                                                                              LG XO  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                              My partner does number 1 every single time! Soooo frustrating as he won’t even acknowledge it or reflect on the pattern at all

                                                                                                                                                              • Trupti Sunil Kamble
                                                                                                                                                                Trupti Sunil Kamble  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                                Yeah..3rd one is happening with me.. I am fighting with my husband to get his attention I'm feeling ignored from last 2 months, I am at my mother's place.. and whenever we are meeting our meet ends up with fights..We are losing the connection,Love & everything we had before😞 may be we both wanted to have intimate time together? Bcz from last 2 months we are not together due to my exams and mother in law issues..😨😞 I am trying to fix everything.. want to get his love & care back.

                                                                                                                                                                • Kristine Mannone
                                                                                                                                                                  Kristine Mannone  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                                  This video came at the right moment. For the past week and really the past 2 weeks my boyfriend hasn't been communicating via text or call very often and I was getting very irritated about that until I realized that I'm in danger of that third trap.

                                                                                                                                                                  • charleen hopkins
                                                                                                                                                                    charleen hopkins  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                                    yeah i do that and i some times ask my self if it,s worth fighting over too.

                                                                                                                                                                    • adi2009bm
                                                                                                                                                                      adi2009bm  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                                      How would u suggest to response though? Thx Matt ❤

                                                                                                                                                                      • Afriqan Daisy
                                                                                                                                                                        Afriqan Daisy  3 ay əvvəl

                                                                                                                                                                        My boyfriend has been creating fights all the tym and not respecting me and my thought was like he might want to separate with me and so I did before being hurted. Good day guys thx Matt