Why do we get crushes? | Isabelle O'Carroll | TEDxBrixton

  • Published: 06 December 2015
  • Self-confessed ‘crush addict’ Isabelle discusses her theory on crushes and why we have them. In this fun and witty talk, Isabelle looks at the spectrum of crushes, some of the mad things we do in the name of a crush and gets to the heart of how and why they can turn into infatuation.
    Isabelle O’Carroll is a London-born fashion and lifestyle writer; she writes for BuzzFeed, The Pool, The Debrief, her work has also appeared on guardian.com and in Grazia.

    As well as writing, Isabelle consults for fashion brands; the Telegraph called her “one of Britain’s best fashion bloggers” and Vogue have featured her on the Online Fashion 100. She has also spoken at Southbank’s Women of the World festival this year.
    Follow her on Twitter: @IsabelleOC
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

Comments • 305

  • Chip Dixon
    Chip Dixon  3 дня назад

    Dang what about if you have a girlfriend/fiancé, but you got a crush on someone else? I’m trying hard to break that habit, even my friends has been helping me to quit that old annoying obsession habit, Besides she’s too young and I am already taken 2! Longest crush is this young girl for 4 years, she’s too young for me too!

    • KnightVision Video
      KnightVision Video  14 дней назад

      Interesting and relevant topic and brave of you to ‘own up’ to such a thing so publicly and also great that you’ve articulated it so well. Personally I liken being infatuated/ having a strong crush to a kind of ‘mental illness’. I suspect that repeatedly ‘suffering’ from this condition is indicative of some serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But anything that disturbs inner peace has got to be pretty bad news.

      • Marge Bijsters
        Marge Bijsters  24 дня назад


        • 3Trees
          3Trees  Месяц назад

          I actually hate having crushes....it may feel good at first but it sucks in the long run...my opinion of course..

          • braindamage
            braindamage  2 месяца назад

            When I was dating and I was crushing so hard I couldn't finish my dinner at the date or I was compulsively checking my phone to see if they contacted me... BIG RED FLAG. Those things always turned out to be the ugliest experiences.

            • braindamage
              braindamage  2 месяца назад

              I used to be a crushaholic until I decided it was time for the guys to be crushing ON ME!!!!

              • braindamage
                braindamage  22 дня назад

                @aquamarine read the book "love yourself like your life depends on it" then after that "ignore the guy get the guy" .... and burn the book "the rules" don't associate with people who are down for it.

                • aquamarine
                  aquamarine  25 дней назад

                  Give us your secret for that ;)

                  • meron avisar
                    meron avisar  2 месяца назад


                    • PAUL THOMSON
                      PAUL THOMSON  3 месяца назад

                      she certainly has a strange nose; it flexes at the end - or is that an optical illusion?

                      • commnter10
                        commnter10  5 дней назад

                        Her beautiful dark hair, dark eyes (brown it appears) and dark brows, and her white complexion, make her very beautiful. She's a beautiful example of a British woman.

                        • TheOneTheyCallFig
                          TheOneTheyCallFig  3 месяца назад

                          seeing this in my recommended was a and i oop kind of moment

                          • N
                            N  3 месяца назад

                            ok but they need to honestly do one on mixed signals... because sometimes being rejected hurts when the person you think that likes you kept sending all the "right" signals

                            • CrystalKatt 54
                              CrystalKatt 54  3 месяца назад

                              My crush has a crush on me too, but neither of us are brave enough to say it 😂

                              • Sara_Lemon_Drop
                                Sara_Lemon_Drop  3 месяца назад

                                My crush is my friend who happens to like my BEST FRIEND

                                • xfangirlalwayz
                                  xfangirlalwayz  4 месяца назад

                                  Anyone else have an obsessive crush on someone who’s taken? Can’t help it... I feel like he’s always in the back of my mind literally 24/7. Two years and counting... make it stop ;(

                                  • Ahmed Salar
                                    Ahmed Salar  4 месяца назад

                                    How did a discussion about crush become a discussion about female repression? Feminists really get on my nerves. I mean if a whole room was filled with feminists and a girl liked a guy, she still wouldn't make the first move. And these are "proper" feminists I'm talking about.

                                    • that's mY OPINION
                                      that's mY OPINION  4 месяца назад

                                      Welp, cuando te gusta una chica siendo tú misma una no hay de otra que dar la iniciativa tú, en especial cuando estas en la universidad y hacen grupos para todo

                                      • Aves
                                        Aves  4 месяца назад

                                        The woman burning bits of photos was just creating air pollution😂

                                        • Mis Kay
                                          Mis Kay  4 месяца назад

                                          i always feel like im not attractive enough for my crushes so i just dont approach them cuz im scared of getting rejected LOLL

                                          • Gamma Digamma
                                            Gamma Digamma  4 месяца назад

                                            Totally agree with the distraction part of it...

                                            • zucc for v buck
                                              zucc for v buck  4 месяца назад

                                              the rhubarb one was actually kinda cute 🥰🤣

                                              • Cletus-boy Astaroth
                                                Cletus-boy Astaroth  4 месяца назад

                                                TEDTalks make me feel intelligent

                                                • Paul Edelstein
                                                  Paul Edelstein  4 месяца назад

                                                  Unrequited love a love that lasts forever

                                                  • DANG JOS
                                                    DANG JOS  5 месяцев назад

                                                    I'm just going to go ahead and list all of the crushes I can think of past and present (celebrity type): Ashanti, Lanisha Cole, Lauren Daigle, Keke Palmer, ASMR Attack.

                                                    • weisi ang
                                                      weisi ang  5 месяцев назад

                                                      so basically crushes are just simple attraction gone intense when not making a move?

                                                      • Trinity Cherry
                                                        Trinity Cherry  5 месяцев назад

                                                        So no head?

                                                        • Mars Horner
                                                          Mars Horner  5 месяцев назад

                                                          Did she actually answer the question of why we get crushes though

                                                          • Angie B Simmons
                                                            Angie B Simmons  5 месяцев назад

                                                            Hate this feeling knowing she isn't into me and has a girlfriend. I need to move pass this

                                                            • Brianna martinez
                                                              Brianna martinez  5 месяцев назад

                                                              having your crush like you back................hmm wonder what the feels like???

                                                              • Auntie Pork
                                                                Auntie Pork  5 месяцев назад

                                                                Im learning Korean to impress my crush....

                                                                • Keely Kratz
                                                                  Keely Kratz  6 месяцев назад

                                                                  The good thing about being demisexual

                                                                  • kumaravel devarajan
                                                                    kumaravel devarajan  6 месяцев назад

                                                                    Women have more crush than boys !!really😨

                                                                    • TonyThatOrc
                                                                      TonyThatOrc  6 месяцев назад

                                                                      A crush is fun and a great distraction before they get a boyfriend... :(

                                                                      • Kiera Edwards
                                                                        Kiera Edwards  6 месяцев назад

                                                                        My crush goes out with mg bestfreind 😭😭😭💔💔

                                                                        • Guerdie R
                                                                          Guerdie R  6 месяцев назад

                                                                          Worst things about having crush: telling ur friends about it

                                                                          • Iam_precious Doll
                                                                            Iam_precious Doll  6 месяцев назад

                                                                            Jungkookiefan R so true

                                                                            • Friendlyneighborhoodmike
                                                                              Friendlyneighborhoodmike  6 месяцев назад

                                                                              I learned French in middle school for my crush that I never saw after 8th grade.

                                                                              • Samantha Mercedes Staff
                                                                                Samantha Mercedes Staff  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                Beautifully put

                                                                                • Bidayn
                                                                                  Bidayn  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                  I'm developing a crush on her

                                                                                  • Meghan D
                                                                                    Meghan D  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                    "Nobody gets a mild crush?" I get mild crushes on every other person I meet

                                                                                    • subhradeep halder
                                                                                      subhradeep halder  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                      I have been searching for this question I have been addicted to getting crush

                                                                                      • htownshawn
                                                                                        htownshawn  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                        7 years on mine. my life is over. no one can compare to her & i compare everyone to her. red zone forever

                                                                                        • Brooklyn T
                                                                                          Brooklyn T  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                          I have such a big crush on this guy, we know each other fairly much, our families are super close so he treats me like his annoying sister. It hurts, definitely when I see him walk around with his shirt off. I dreamed what it would be like if I looked different, so I had confidence, and asked him out. I sound crazy, but he is a good guy underneath (his abs), I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell him how I feel because it is quite obvious he doesn’t feel the same, and it would be so awkward! Any ideas on what i should do?

                                                                                          • aquamarine
                                                                                            aquamarine  25 дней назад

                                                                                            How things going now ? We want an update !

                                                                                            • Sarahjane Looney
                                                                                              Sarahjane Looney  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                              Or, hear me out, could it be signs of borderline personality disorder in extreme cases? 🧐

                                                                                              • kaia
                                                                                                kaia  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                                watching this I was just thinking oh my fcking god I’ve done the LinkedIn thing

                                                                                                • Holy Shnitzel
                                                                                                  Holy Shnitzel  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                                  I’m in a crush predicament. He likes me and I like him and I know he likes me but he doesn’t know I know or that I like him back, and I am toooooooooo shy to ever say to someone I like em, so it’s gonna remain like this forever🙂

                                                                                                  • Clement
                                                                                                    Clement  6 месяцев назад

                                                                                                    Don´t be shy, just tell him. He will like it!

                                                                                                    • Anthony Good
                                                                                                      Anthony Good  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                      How should a guy first message a girl on a dating app? Should he use her name to make it less "cut and paste" sounding? Of the few girls I have gone out with, most messaged me first (which I find odd given the number of messages I've sent to girls.) And their first messages were often just "Hey".

                                                                                                      • TheFallenScathed
                                                                                                        TheFallenScathed  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                        I was expecting maybe some research on attachment disorder or infatuation, maybe the negative impacts on the type of obsessive and possessive tendencies of some males who have a crush but call it something else.

                                                                                                        • pizzannn
                                                                                                          pizzannn  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                          "Tasteful-looking Scandinavian rug"

                                                                                                          • imon bannerjee
                                                                                                            imon bannerjee  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                            I have a crush on her

                                                                                                            • Lassic
                                                                                                              Lassic  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                              Came here to learn why we get crushes and I end up getting another cry for gender equality. AND she didn't answer the title of the video. She just talked about her experiences with crushes and didn't really teach us anything new in my oppinion.

                                                                                                              • fear ne
                                                                                                                fear ne  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                dude my crush is my friend tho

                                                                                                                • zucc for v buck
                                                                                                                  zucc for v buck  4 месяца назад

                                                                                                                  fear ne literally same 😂

                                                                                                                  • fear ne
                                                                                                                    fear ne  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                    and he’s single and kinda flirts with me sometimes ???? he doesn’t like me tho oof but that’s probably why i like him bc he’s flirty

                                                                                                                    • Susanna Kailing
                                                                                                                      Susanna Kailing  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                      Brief? What if you've got that one in the back of your head that's lasted for 15 years?

                                                                                                                      • A Bit Silaashh
                                                                                                                        A Bit Silaashh  7 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                        her voice is giving me headache

                                                                                                                        • Ruiying Lian
                                                                                                                          Ruiying Lian  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                          I want to read all the weird funny crush stories.

                                                                                                                          • Percy Noynay
                                                                                                                            Percy Noynay  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                            Having a crush is toxic for me. I hate that my emotions get to manipulate me, alter my decisions, often times i just caught myself being not myself.

                                                                                                                            • braindamage
                                                                                                                              braindamage  2 месяца назад

                                                                                                                              Your on the RIGHT TRACK!!! same with me when I was young. I wrote in a journal "what am I searching for in a man I can't fulfill myself?" Find the answer work on that... then the men come flooding in.

                                                                                                                              • Alex Munch
                                                                                                                                Alex Munch  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                I watched this in hopes of figuring out what a friend sees in me and if he likes me or not. How in the world can you tell if a shy guy likes you!?

                                                                                                                                • Kendra Nicole
                                                                                                                                  Kendra Nicole  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                  I've had a crush on the same guy for almost 3 years in 2019 it will be 3 years

                                                                                                                                  • Jake38nine
                                                                                                                                    Jake38nine  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                    All I care about is Rusev CRUSH.

                                                                                                                                    • Bootstrapper Wilson
                                                                                                                                      Bootstrapper Wilson  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                      I finished the video still awaiting "because..." We get crushes because we are social animals hardwired to reproduce with the best specimens we can get. Crushes drive us to try to get with the crushee, but our knowledge of how bad rebuffs feel keeps us from acting. Simple. The best strategy is get rid of a crush by becoming a ruthless critic of the crushee; when you see their multiple faults, you see they are nothing special.

                                                                                                                                      • Valentina Valderrama
                                                                                                                                        Valentina Valderrama  8 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                        I honestly think I get crushes cuz I listen to Shawn Mendes a little too much ...lmao😂😂😂

                                                                                                                                        • Jackwulf
                                                                                                                                          Jackwulf  9 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                          Please explain, I don’t get crushes and they make me so confused

                                                                                                                                          • Le Breton Philippine
                                                                                                                                            Le Breton Philippine  9 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                            Crush is a metaphore of deja-vu. Life is meant when life is given, love is felt when love is real

                                                                                                                                            • Geeky Nerdy
                                                                                                                                              Geeky Nerdy  9 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                              I’ve gotten rejected enough to the point where I’m not only afraid, but hate myself for not ever fitting the standards.

                                                                                                                                              • Tom Tom
                                                                                                                                                Tom Tom  2 месяца назад

                                                                                                                                                Geeky Nerdy work on yourself first and do what you love(I know it’s cliche) and things will get better hopefully

                                                                                                                                                • olivia bourne
                                                                                                                                                  olivia bourne  9 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                  i have never spoken a word to my crush

                                                                                                                                                  • Wan Chan
                                                                                                                                                    Wan Chan  10 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                    Idk why but I feel like my crush so much that I’m willing to give up my weekends to be with him at school ;-;. I need to tell someone but they’re gonna judge me so hard >~

                                                                                                                                                    • Rebecca Cucumber
                                                                                                                                                      Rebecca Cucumber  10 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                      This was good but it didn't answer the question.

                                                                                                                                                      • christian devey
                                                                                                                                                        christian devey  10 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                        what's worse than having a crush is asking them out and them answering no.

                                                                                                                                                        • Boomshine
                                                                                                                                                          Boomshine  4 месяца назад

                                                                                                                                                          Or is that better? At least you can work on closure. Imagine fantasizing that they can possibly like you back....

                                                                                                                                                          • Annie McMahon
                                                                                                                                                            Annie McMahon  11 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                            I skipped yellow and orange and went straight to red

                                                                                                                                                            • Moudi ًِ
                                                                                                                                                              Moudi ًِ  9 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                              Lol same bby same

                                                                                                                                                              • Angena Agenor
                                                                                                                                                                Angena Agenor  9 месяцев назад


                                                                                                                                                                • Alicia James
                                                                                                                                                                  Alicia James  11 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                                  Don't people ever get a happy ending with the person they have a crush on ?😢

                                                                                                                                                                  • Queen Potens
                                                                                                                                                                    Queen Potens  11 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                                    I don't wanna have any crushes so what should I do?

                                                                                                                                                                    • OneShotKill94
                                                                                                                                                                      OneShotKill94  11 месяцев назад

                                                                                                                                                                      The only people that discourage women from making the first move is other women. Blokes actually find it pretty attractive.

                                                                                                                                                                      • Peyton's Playlists
                                                                                                                                                                        Peyton's Playlists  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                        Ah! Now we get to the good stuff.

                                                                                                                                                                        • Rohit Goswami
                                                                                                                                                                          Rohit Goswami  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                          Love u take care sweetheart God bless u ....R G

                                                                                                                                                                          • Rohit Goswami
                                                                                                                                                                            Rohit Goswami  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                            Isabelle sorry for waiting

                                                                                                                                                                            • Rhodes cooke
                                                                                                                                                                              Rhodes cooke  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                              As a desperate guy who recently reunited with his girlfriend, I see lots of affirmative testimony online by people who got back their lovers one way or the other. Well I witnessed a breathtaking spell work in my relationship through ([email protected] com) And today I’m overjoyed because its a testimony we share every day. I hope this could be of help to someone out there

                                                                                                                                                                              • onecentJager
                                                                                                                                                                                onecentJager  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                                is it just me or is the sound terrible?

                                                                                                                                                                                • Anandi Breen
                                                                                                                                                                                  Anandi Breen  4 месяца назад

                                                                                                                                                                                  No, it is😅

                                                                                                                                                                                  • IloveRyanGreasley
                                                                                                                                                                                    IloveRyanGreasley  Год назад

                                                                                                                                                                                    I've had a crush on Alexander Skarsgard for years, my RU-clip username is a guy I had a crush on for a while...