The surprising truth about rejection | Cam Adair | TEDxFargo

  • Published: 01 November 2014
  • This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Cam Adair tells a story of our society's collective nightmare: rejection. It's a story we've all lived through before but this one ends with a plot twist. He speaks to the universal experience and paralyzing fear of rejection while exposing his own inner turmoil he trudged through as a teenager. After years of intense bullying starting at age 13 where the fun game was "Who can stuff Cam into a trashcan?" he dropped out of high school. Twice. Next he found himself recoiling from the world, playing video games up to 16 hours a day.

    But something surprising happened that changed the way he saw his rejection forever. This turning point allowed him to shift gears to become a successful entrepreneur. Now as a public speaker he travels around the country sharing his message about overcoming the heartbreaking pain of rejection and using it as fuel for growth, connection and purpose. Learn more about Cam at Connect with him on twitter, @camerondare.
    Cam's mission is helping others live life with intention. Feeling trapped in a career he wasn't passionate about at the age of 20, Cam founded Kingpin Social, a company with a mission to empower young men to live life on their own terms by understanding the social side of their lives. Cam believes in the power of creating your own path, contributing to your community and the magic of youth. Currently you can find Cam travelling full-time speaking around the US & Canada on topics of Building Stronger Relationships, Bullying and Gaming Addiction.
    About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Comments • 1 966

  • Keyser Söze
    Keyser Söze  10 giờ trước

    The girl I adored for around 7 years rejected me. She said yes but later told me no over text. It went from being the greatest day of my life to one of the worst. I’m trying to get over it but it’s hard not to think about it. It really sucks.

    • commnter10
      commnter10  3 ngày trước

      8th grade: "Dear Kaye, you are a very cute and pretty girl, and I like you alot. Do you like me?" "Dear John, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to egg you on."

      • commnter10
        commnter10  3 ngày trước

        And many more before during and after these times.

        • commnter10
          commnter10  3 ngày trước

          12 grade: "Frances, would you like to go to a movie?" "Sorry, I don't date boys who aren't Catholic."

          • commnter10
            commnter10  3 ngày trước

            11th grade: "Tracy, would you like to go out on a date some time?" "John, I really think I would rather just be friends." Said with a tinge of anger.

            • J Peart
              J Peart  3 ngày trước

              I'm gonna die alone

              • TruthSeeker
                TruthSeeker  3 ngày trước

                I hate the word "bully".

                • JoAnn Myers
                  JoAnn Myers  3 ngày trước

                  Wish I could just grab a plane ticket to fly off anywhere. I can hardly afford staying where I am & not having to be homeless. (Poverty is also a dream killer). Glad for you though.

                  • mike mikey
                    mike mikey  2 ngày trước

                    budget your money

                    • Gold Glitter
                      Gold Glitter  4 ngày trước

                      That spitting just enrages me....and how did coaches not notice for an hour?

                      • Filip Jansson
                        Filip Jansson  5 ngày trước

                        If I could, would I? No, I’m too comfortable.

                        • MrManlet
                          MrManlet  9 ngày trước

                          this is the same guy who created GameQuitters isn't it?

                          • 0000
                            0000  9 ngày trước

                            Without seeing the pictures, it just sounds like they're laughing at the fact he is Canadian! Lol

                            • Cael the Player
                              Cael the Player  11 ngày trước

                              My friend’s girlfriend said that she liked me and started talking to me, and I felt really flattered, but I suspected that it was a prank, considering that I was talking to her boyfriend about it. She called me “cute” and “adorable”, and it was awesome. For the first time in my life, someone liked me, and she told me that she did, and it was just amazing. Eventually, my jaw dropped when she texted me: “it was a prank 😎”. Then a wave of depression swept over me. I was so crushed, and so angry. I have never had a girlfriend before, and that just had to happen. She blocked me on Instagram, so I told my friend to tell her that I was mad and that I was crushed. What she did wasn’t even funny. I felt suicidal, and lonely. She’s a horrible person for doing that. I hope she thinks twice about ever doing that again.

                              • MarkNiceyard
                                MarkNiceyard  11 ngày trước

                                After the story at 11 some idiots still laughing.

                                • swiftWord
                                  swiftWord  12 ngày trước

                                  The stone that the builders rejected became the chief cornerstone. (Look up where this quote is from)

                                  • M R King
                                    M R King  12 ngày trước

                                    Did you ever ask your schoolmates why they treated you the way they did? This happened to me but my temper was too hot and I hit one in the nose. That stopped it.

                                    • Sean Longo
                                      Sean Longo  13 ngày trước

                                      I relate a lot to what he said about when he was 13. To my best friend outside school, I basically didn't exist during school hours at best or got picked on by his friends at worst because I was weird and social status is the end of the world for teenagers

                                      • 7 The Suicide Kid
                                        7 The Suicide Kid  14 ngày trước

                                        I’ve been rejected from girls my whole life and I just turned 18. I feel so lonely and feel like I have no hope of ever having a special someone. 😰😥

                                        • David Bolha
                                          David Bolha  7 ngày trước

                                          There's an empty seat in the MGTOW 4U2. 😉

                                          • 7 The Suicide Kid
                                            7 The Suicide Kid  12 ngày trước

                                            Laura Pug I have been trying to do that so thank you🤗 I don’t want to be single my whole life tho ya know

                                            • Laura Pug
                                              Laura Pug  12 ngày trước

                                              Your young you have a long life ahead of you Try to enjoy your life instead of looking for a partner

                                              • Briana Florida
                                                Briana Florida  15 ngày trước

                                                I was 18 when I moved to the Carolinas I lived there for a year and ten months and things didn’t go well, I was going to be homeless and so as heartbroken as I was I moved back to Indiana for 2 months. Made all new friends, did things I never thought I would. I just about a month ago moved to Pennsylvania. I feel like now I’m not attached to anything, I know I’ll deal with rough things but I feel like I can be happy anywhere

                                                • Briana Florida
                                                  Briana Florida  15 ngày trước

                                                  If you’re an outsider I feel like the universe is trying to tell you you’re made for bigger and better things

                                                  • Aleksandra Banaś
                                                    Aleksandra Banaś  17 ngày trước

                                                    Thank you so much for this!

                                                    • Sam Oslich
                                                      Sam Oslich  17 ngày trước

                                                      I will say, quitting your job and pursuing a career as an "entrepreneur" IS NOT reality for 95% of the people on this planet. Most people HAVE to work and don't have the luxury of simply quitting a job and trying to start a company or their own business. So hopefully, people don't "get inspired" by stories such as this and lose everything they have, because "they too can make it!"

                                                      • Evening Commenter
                                                        Evening Commenter  20 ngày trước

                                                        Here I am finished High School where I never had a girlfriend. Always rejected there. Here I am finished Collage where I was told I was undesirable. And now, here I am, stuck going in and out of the hospital for a chronic illness and being in constant pain 24/7, and all I have is my grandfather to help me as my dad is busy with work, and my mom is pissed off at me for not being able to handle the pain, and my friends cant drive to visit me. At least I have my cat, all the Gingerale I could ask for, and video games in a cold dark basement where I try to distract myself all alone. And yet, somehow through all that, I am still happy and don't know why.

                                                        • 1989maihan
                                                          1989maihan  20 ngày trước

                                                          I'm here after I got rejected for a job I poured my heart and soul into

                                                          • Tertu Ndokosho
                                                            Tertu Ndokosho  22 ngày trước

                                                            Imagine you can't even go out every night. Or every weekend or even once a month. Because you're stuck under the roof of the world's most overprotective parents who don't even let you socialize when its for your own good.

                                                            • Local Guide
                                                              Local Guide  22 ngày trước

                                                              Thank you for your honesty! Some people behave is a terrible way, though.

                                                              • John Fisher
                                                                John Fisher  23 ngày trước

                                                                Its because women only want the perceived best of everything...& couldn't give a flying toss for any lesser. Men seek growth in solution, women don't see the point.

                                                                • Dicus
                                                                  Dicus  24 ngày trước

                                                                  I almost killed myself because the girl I liked is no longer single after I took her to the movies 😥😥😥 I liked her for years and finally talk to her and then shes taken 💔

                                                                  • Elliot Rodger
                                                                    Elliot Rodger  25 ngày trước

                                                                    I relate to this man, unfortunately

                                                                    • Elliot Rodger
                                                                      Elliot Rodger  25 ngày trước

                                                                      0:51 How was this funny? Was that a laugh track?

                                                                      • pelisa belle
                                                                        pelisa belle  15 ngày trước

                                                                        Elliot Rodger you dead bro

                                                                        • Abraham Gonzalez
                                                                          Abraham Gonzalez  26 ngày trước

                                                                          Been there done that. But the moment I began to trust myself I began to attract good people

                                                                          • Joseph Holdman
                                                                            Joseph Holdman  27 ngày trước

                                                                            Others destiny are not always our own! Come to realization accept your not that one in their lives and move on, make your own with someone who is! And take it from there it isn't a bad move either!

                                                                            • Nu Nu Orleans
                                                                              Nu Nu Orleans  28 ngày trước

                                                                              I can fully relate to his story, but basically he stated that he took notes and seen the things he needed to change to not get rejected from the beginning he was a nice and loveable guy and his friends still treated him badly. Which is how I am as well and it just seems like you had to change yourself so the world can accept you and it worked and that's not how it should be. You were ALREADY a great person, so that's what I am battling with should I adopt other ppl characteristics to be accepted in life and to make my life easier, b/c rejection is very close to feeling your heart is no longer in your chest. Sometimes I wish I was a naturally cruel person I would have many friends

                                                                              • Jordans Mum
                                                                                Jordans Mum  Tháng trước

                                                                                Rejected by own family

                                                                                • danish Danish
                                                                                  danish Danish  Tháng trước

                                                                                  With it in 1.75x speed

                                                                                  • ottis spunkmire
                                                                                    ottis spunkmire  Tháng trước

                                                                                    Rejection is good for you toughen up your leather

                                                                                    • jerome williams
                                                                                      jerome williams  Tháng trước

                                                                                      Sorry! I don't take advice from grown men who allow themselves to be bullied by an individual. To me you are just weak, a weakling to me. i don't want to be like you, so why would I take advice from you?

                                                                                      • Lakshan Perera
                                                                                        Lakshan Perera  Tháng trước

                                                                                        great lesson

                                                                                        • Ann-Kathrin Barczyk
                                                                                          Ann-Kathrin Barczyk  Tháng trước

                                                                                          I know exactly what you are talking about Started in 3rd grade and I'm suffering from it until now I'm having at least one panic attack a day I lost weight and now everyone calls me beautiful and they tell me what a wonderful person I am....but I just can't believe them I spend every day crying and anxious, making myself an outcast

                                                                                          • hayley
                                                                                            hayley  Tháng trước

                                                                                            i know this is quite an old video, but i got a big message from it. originally, coming into this, i only thought i was only going to hear about cam's story and the experiences through dealing with it. but in the end, cam taught me a much more valuable lesson than that. sometimes, i think we all need to be reminded of who we are and how we want to be better, and that's what i came out with from this video, and even more.

                                                                                            • R Sihl
                                                                                              R Sihl  Tháng trước

                                                                                              I need a girlfriend 28 plus leave message above or below.

                                                                                              • ElleM4Music
                                                                                                ElleM4Music  Tháng trước


                                                                                                • DrawWithStyle - easy manga drawing

                                                                                                  Rejection shot us like a bullet. Sometimes we’re lucky enough that the bullet had an exit wound. But sometimes... Just sometimes.. The bullet doesn’t leave.

                                                                                                  • Dragos
                                                                                                    Dragos  Tháng trước

                                                                                                    "Hey guys this is Austin!"

                                                                                                    • nick lorenz
                                                                                                      nick lorenz  Tháng trước

                                                                                                      Man went out sober every night for 3 years... I just don’t even know what to say about that

                                                                                                      • Elaster Welin
                                                                                                        Elaster Welin  Tháng trước

                                                                                                        Rejection makes me stronger and a monster.

                                                                                                        • Captain MBAYE DIAGNE
                                                                                                          Captain MBAYE DIAGNE  Tháng trước

                                                                                                          Charlie Brown

                                                                                                          • Truthsabre7
                                                                                                            Truthsabre7  Tháng trước

                                                                                                            I have the coolest psych teacher in college. On the last day of class he told us to remember this the one thing people want more than anything else is to be accepted or part of a group.

                                                                                                            • Ahmed Ahmed
                                                                                                              Ahmed Ahmed  Tháng trước

                                                                                                              I've rejected all kinds of women except the east Asian type of women. I think one Filipino girl would like me, she would talk to me a lot, we would go on the train to go to uni and back home. We had a nice conversation on the way home once sitting next to each other. A nice talkative happy girl. I just noticed for the first time that the evian water bottle in front of me has an east Asian girl on it like that Filipino nice girl. I wonder if that means God wants me to get an East Asian girl.

                                                                                                              • Rose-anna
                                                                                                                Rose-anna  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                I can identify with every single painful thing he says here and it almost ruined my life.

                                                                                                                • Tyler Allen
                                                                                                                  Tyler Allen  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                  I’ve watched videos like this I don’t know how many times already, and I’m still terrified of asking women out from a bad history of rejection. I may have let this fear root deep into my self-esteem for so long that it’s already too late to change it.

                                                                                                                  • John Smith
                                                                                                                    John Smith  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                    It’s easy to get women just get money they are gold digging shallow whores! Pump them and dump them

                                                                                                                    • tlou sebola
                                                                                                                      tlou sebola  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                      lol i can tell he's canadian....if you know special agent straight McCool .

                                                                                                                      • JakulaithWolff
                                                                                                                        JakulaithWolff  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                        THANK YOU Needed to hear that... going through so much...

                                                                                                                        • JakulaithWolff
                                                                                                                          JakulaithWolff  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                          I thought everyone already knew that.... just don't be pretentious. Be sincere about your feelings and spit out the curious question you have in mind (without being rude). Circle yourself with people who open themselves up to you.

                                                                                                                          • JakulaithWolff
                                                                                                                            JakulaithWolff  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                            When he said 'I was going to be happy again. To smile again.' I smiled.

                                                                                                                            • Frank Lloyd Riot
                                                                                                                              Frank Lloyd Riot  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                              “Rejection is not you” I love that.

                                                                                                                              • Sgt. Rex Power Colt
                                                                                                                                Sgt. Rex Power Colt  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                Hey guys, this is Austin

                                                                                                                                • STUDENT-ISAIAH SILVA
                                                                                                                                  STUDENT-ISAIAH SILVA  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                  "Why me" because looks matter and you have been lied to.

                                                                                                                                  • 1Z
                                                                                                                                    1Z  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                    Im having just the shittyest birthday

                                                                                                                                    • Nelson's Rudolph
                                                                                                                                      Nelson's Rudolph  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                      The conclusion is soooo humanistic and secular and Canadian. Hahahaha

                                                                                                                                      • Shivam KC
                                                                                                                                        Shivam KC  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                        Gym is the only escape from rejection....gym and books are the only loyal friends that make us powerful both mentally and physically

                                                                                                                                        • vikita windarwati
                                                                                                                                          vikita windarwati  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                          Wow this is a good subject. Sorry for venting, but I was more ignored than bullied. Some people even sees me as lower than them and even taking advantage of me, thinking that I don't know they did. It hurts being ignored, makes you feel like a ghost passing through this life. But hey, I've made a pact with myself that if I don't really get comfortable with other people again ever in my life, I'll go and live in the woods, trying to get self sufficient. But I hope I can integrate myself in the society more than living alone in the future. The stories talked in here makes me hurt because I can empathize with that. Such a confusing place where everywhere you go is not welcoming to you, but fortunately he can climb out of that situation and make a better life for himself. Congrats to you man

                                                                                                                                          • kivens jean-louis
                                                                                                                                            kivens jean-louis  Tháng trước

                                                                                                                                            Naw I don’t care enough to worried myself with being rejected I juts except that not not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay 🤷🏿‍♂️

                                                                                                                                            • RAJ1
                                                                                                                                              RAJ1  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                              I used to be broken by rejection. I didn't fit in. I was the misfit. I was the one who was made sport of. I asked the questions of why my kindness wasn't appreciated. Why I couldn't gain the relationships I desired? Why the inter-relationships I wanted to reach were good as stars in outer space. I still endure loneliness. I started to take rejection as a gift. It allowed me to look inside of myself and appreciate where I came from and where I'm going. It deepened my relationship with Christ to make me know that I belonged to him. Even when people close to me fell apart, he was still there for me.

                                                                                                                                              • Flavio KS
                                                                                                                                                Flavio KS  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                This made me cry

                                                                                                                                                • Ben Watson
                                                                                                                                                  Ben Watson  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                  I wish I had the money to start my own business just because I wanted to.

                                                                                                                                                  • Zukka 88
                                                                                                                                                    Zukka 88  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                    I was rejected, dated people here and there, got my heart broken yada yada yada...then I decided that investing in myself was more beneficial and haven't looked back since.

                                                                                                                                                    • Vikas Ingle
                                                                                                                                                      Vikas Ingle  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                      So final Conclusion: Just face the problems and move on.

                                                                                                                                                      • Rebecca
                                                                                                                                                        Rebecca  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                        I came upon this video by autoplay. I liked the video however I hope you do not think your girlfriend rejected you by breaking up with you. It may have been the opposite that she may have felt rejected by you. You left to travel for an extended period of time without her. Some people may not be able to handle that in a relationship and take it personally. She could probably sense how unhappy you were and internalized it. Think about how your actions could be perceived as rejection as well : ) It sounds like it was for the best though since you were figuring out what you wanted in life to make you happy. I'm glad you found your way along in life. Great video, its nice to help others by sharing your experience.

                                                                                                                                                        • Louqman Badr
                                                                                                                                                          Louqman Badr  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                          Who has rejected recently? Me yes.

                                                                                                                                                          • Benjamin Bratt
                                                                                                                                                            Benjamin Bratt  2 tháng trước


                                                                                                                                                            • Yo bro. Stahp.
                                                                                                                                                              Yo bro. Stahp.  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                              This made me cry.. I was rejected by my parents who neglected me, middle schoolers and high schoolers where I sat by myself throughout 9 grades, was always picked last... every time I made an attempt to sit by someone. I "stole" someone's seat or continued to sit there with my heart and head low while the kids around me would make comments towards each other or me until they moved and I pretended to ignore them. I dropped out of everything even sports, band, etc because everytime someone in class would see me or heard me doing something I wanted to do, countless of kids... ( 2 grades worth ) would just bully me constantly until I just got hardened and thought it was easier to drop out because of my lack of emotions and interest... it still affects me today. I tried to go for Nursing and thought college would be different. Gave several kids my phone number for their study group but I never got a phone call and the next day I would hear how fun and helpful it was.. I dropped out. It's an neverending cycle.. honestly.

                                                                                                                                                              • thicc thanos
                                                                                                                                                                thicc thanos  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                Am I the only one that is here because they are getting ready for rejection because I know I'm going to get rejected and I'm getting myself ready

                                                                                                                                                                • greydotjaguar
                                                                                                                                                                  greydotjaguar  2 tháng trước


                                                                                                                                                                  • Nazeem Dollie
                                                                                                                                                                    Nazeem Dollie  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                    Rejection makes you strong. Respect from Russia!

                                                                                                                                                                    • Voice of Validity
                                                                                                                                                                      Voice of Validity  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                      A rope doesn't sound too bad right about now.

                                                                                                                                                                      • Go Jump
                                                                                                                                                                        Go Jump  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                        What types of people would laugh when he said he was rejected at 11 years old boy? That's sort of mean. :-(

                                                                                                                                                                        • Go Jump
                                                                                                                                                                          Go Jump  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                          @Marcus Holland It could be that. Thanks for responding.

                                                                                                                                                                          • Go Jump
                                                                                                                                                                            Go Jump  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                            @Gary Michael That's a good point. I hadn't considered it. Thanks!

                                                                                                                                                                            • Gary Michael
                                                                                                                                                                              Gary Michael  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                              I think it's because he was only eleven which happens to be an unusual age to be worried about rejection. Normally when people think about matters like this, they focus on an older time frame.

                                                                                                                                                                              • Marcus Holland
                                                                                                                                                                                Marcus Holland  2 tháng trước

                                                                                                                                                                                It is, but I think they're laughing because they all went through the same thing.