Jupiter Ascending - Nostalgia Critic

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  • Published: 28 June 2015
  • You know Wachowskis…COME ON! The Nostalgia Critic reviews 2015's sci-fi bomb, Jupiter Ascending.
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Comments • 5 176

  • Ichijo Festival
    Ichijo Festival  День назад

    Is it wrong that I can relate to Duck Dodgers not wanting to be a space queen on the basis that I'd miss a lot of TV shows and games?

    • Ichijo Festival
      Ichijo Festival  День назад

      Hey! Stop popping my brain cells! I thought the whole point was you would suffer so I wouldn't have to.

      • Ichijo Festival
        Ichijo Festival  День назад

        You joke about Lord of the Rings appendix, but one of these days you're gonna wake up to the sight of a nerd with their First Edition copy of The Silmarillion. And you will only *wish* you were about to die.

        • Ichijo Festival
          Ichijo Festival  День назад

          Re:Giving the Wachowskis millions of dollars for this garbage fire: To be fair, when you've created one of the most iconic films of a generation, you get a *lot* of leeway. (Even if, after that film made the bed, the two sequels proceeded to piss all over it.)

          • Creative Videos 13
            Creative Videos 13  2 дня назад

            3:13 some do well10:52 don't even know what kind of joke 11:10 really like that cliche incredible power of stupid treating all of it like it's common knowledge12:54 you're in for a great big 13:10 bored looking , next scene14:14 oh no something not talkin related is about to happen14:30 obviously not Royal eyes14:56 seems surprisingly not harmful15:12 And expecto be taken seriously15:37 fucking stupid stop16:06 why does it take 10 minutes to explain that 16:25 like school 17:30 can we hear that line again new breed of dumb18:24 even more exciting than that even quoting an exact line of 18:55 what even that goes on forever19:14brain cells pop 19:28 good timing to come to that conclusion 19:40 like cleaning toilets and hating my life head down transition of becoming a woman20:14 don't you think you can write him a bit better useless tool ever get kidnapped again20:40 princess peach23:23 following 20 mintues 27:16 the stupidity21:00 brother of the last person who kidnapped her even more talking so desperate to talk21:50 that's messed up22:06 it's like a directed The 22:10 maybe next time that was a complete waste of time what are we going to do now22:25 you need to sit down for this22:50 the exact same thing I wish I was joking23:13 once again has to come in to savor the only difference OMG24:40 the majority of this final act all belongs to him it is quite literally a miracle of bad25:10 how could this performance come from an academy award winner25:24 that's a thing?25:43 looks closer26:07 you're in here too26:20 rubs eye seem selfish destroy his entire kingdom as well26:50 is this a trick question?I'm just going to take a wild guess and say that saves her they're kind of like Starbucks27:28 I simply don't have time to go over you don't care about anybody backstories tries hard and lesser areas and ones that don't matter28:05I'm off to play donkey Kong to get a more epic story I can at least relate to him

            • LiveAction Link
              LiveAction Link  2 дня назад

              Fyi, janitorial work actually pays amazingly great, is pretty easy, you don't have to deal with other employees, and you can practically make your own hours... shhhh don't go spreading the word. I want to keep all the $50+ an hour jobs to myself

              • LiveAction Link
                LiveAction Link  День назад

                @Ichijo Festival Doctor offices and banks mainly. Honestly, the reason I get paid so much is because it's a set price not per hour. So, one building could pay me $30-$40 per cleaning and because I work so fast and efficiently it only takes me about 30-40 minutes. Clean 4 or 5 buildings like that a night and it adds up and is only a few hours of work a night. Never be a house cleaner like Jupiter lol. They pay horribly and are confusing because you have to clean someone's personal things and aren't quite sure what the hell they want done each time

                • Ichijo Festival
                  Ichijo Festival  День назад

                  Where the hell are you doing your janitorial work?

                  • Wtf you're looking at
                    Wtf you're looking at  5 дней назад

                    I loved this movie so much and I still love it no matter how stupid it is I watched it twenty times I think 😂

                    • gianni bude
                      gianni bude  7 дней назад

                      Ok i understand that the movie is not deep,the acting could be better. But just try to enjoy a movie instead off analysing erverything. Lord of the ring is a great movie. But its more slow going that jupiter, its even more explaining erverything and walking,walking. Even that the movie is made better than jupiter i enjoy watching jupiter much more the lord of the rings.

                      • SSJake
                        SSJake  8 дней назад

                        You asking the writer to write women better because shes a woman now is the best joke in the whole video

                        • Pinkiepool GamerBrony27
                          Pinkiepool GamerBrony27  9 дней назад

                          this movie is boring I'd much rather re-watch Star Wars The Phantom Menace again

                          • Pinkiepool GamerBrony27
                            Pinkiepool GamerBrony27  9 дней назад

                            Mila Kunis is in this Shut UP Meg

                            • Caliginous Moira
                              Caliginous Moira  10 дней назад

                              indiana jones ok... jupiter jones no way...?

                              • rpger90
                                rpger90  10 дней назад

                                17:30 White Girls F**k Dogs

                                • Laika Pupkino
                                  Laika Pupkino  13 дней назад

                                  I found JUPITER ASCENDING charmingly stupid and lame but I don't think I'll ever watch it again.

                                  • J J
                                    J J  13 дней назад

                                    Why was she named Jupiter? Jupiter is male and king of the roman gods, not queen like she's supposed to be. Considering her parents were into astronomy you'd think they would have know that?

                                    • Zainab Qadri
                                      Zainab Qadri  13 дней назад

                                      That face while Doug's shouting at Tamara, lol, does that girl ever get a break? 🤣 (thinking back to her Harry Potter impression during Percy Jackson review: "Here's some band-aids!" *pack of band-aids hitting her in face.*

                                      • Jason Wolfgang
                                        Jason Wolfgang  14 дней назад

                                        I never saw this because I hate the two main actors and I’m really glad I didn’t. Even watching this review was a chore despite NC doing his best.

                                        • Stormshadow Productions
                                          Stormshadow Productions  15 дней назад

                                          This has to be one of the worst movies in the history of Cinema

                                          • Radu Silviu
                                            Radu Silviu  15 дней назад

                                            What is the song name at 4:20

                                            • Klony
                                              Klony  16 дней назад

                                              She starts the movie off with "Technically, I am an alien". And while all her genes are the same as the mother of the other two guys, which should make marriage with her and one of her previous incarnations' sons illegal, because it definitely makes it incest, she was BORN AND RAISED on EARTH by HUMANS. So she is definitely human AND from earth. She is NOT an alien at all. This is not what that means.

                                              • RegisteredHuman 2002
                                                RegisteredHuman 2002  16 дней назад

                                                I can Honestly say that Jupiter Ascending is the first movie I saw and ever thought actually sucked. And I was 12 at the time I thought every action movie was AWESOME. But this... I knew was bad.

                                                • Th1rty3
                                                  Th1rty3  17 дней назад

                                                  Fuck, I don't think I will finish this review, like I didn't finish watching this babble of a movie. I just want to know the fucking ending.

                                                  • Joel Dioneda
                                                    Joel Dioneda  19 дней назад

                                                    Amanda Celine Miller's cameo was nice and funny

                                                    • ScavChurch
                                                      ScavChurch  19 дней назад

                                                      I...fucking loved this movie, it’s dumb fun in a way comparable to the Mummy (but the mummy was good so it was easy to get into) if you go in with absolutely no expectations and just try to have fun with it it’s actually pretty enjoyable. And this movie has a very weird quality where the more you know about Fan-Fictions the more embarrassing it gets to watch It’s awesome

                                                      • BatmanFan 76 Channel 2
                                                        BatmanFan 76 Channel 2  20 дней назад

                                                        7:21 Nabore and Rivendull.

                                                        • BatmanFan 76 Channel 2
                                                          BatmanFan 76 Channel 2  21 день назад

                                                          4:58 Shut Up, Meg.

                                                          • Colonel Frontline
                                                            Colonel Frontline  22 дня назад

                                                            9:08 *_"Precious Precious Precious Precious."_*

                                                            • sabas klahn
                                                              sabas klahn  22 дня назад

                                                              “I CREATE LIFE!” I actually laughed so hard when I first saw this film.

                                                              • Lacey Leigh Lovell
                                                                Lacey Leigh Lovell  23 дня назад

                                                                When I was a kid I had a substitute teacher called Mr. Christmas and his parents named his sister Merry. They sucked too is what I'm saying.

                                                                • Nikolas Mace
                                                                  Nikolas Mace  25 дней назад

                                                                  Can you look at the X Men Anime Show?????????????

                                                                  • Frederick Dietz
                                                                    Frederick Dietz  26 дней назад

                                                                    to the movies credit, it does something a lot of other movies don't, it actually explains.

                                                                    • jaxindabox 1
                                                                      jaxindabox 1  26 дней назад

                                                                      Oh? On Jesus?

                                                                      • Mia M
                                                                        Mia M  27 дней назад

                                                                        'a new breed of dumb'. indeed! the worst movie in the universe.

                                                                        • complex shooterdogs
                                                                          complex shooterdogs  28 дней назад

                                                                          Yes

                                                                          • Max Hornbeck
                                                                            Max Hornbeck  28 дней назад

                                                                            17:36, just wait for Disney channels Kim possible critic....

                                                                            • Planet Watcher
                                                                              Planet Watcher  29 дней назад

                                                                              Voth are so god damn boring. Yes, I agree. This needs some Zhor'i spice to liven it up.

                                                                              • Jake Scotts
                                                                                Jake Scotts  29 дней назад

                                                                                Sailor Jupiter joins the batt- oh wait they're gone now

                                                                                • Lucius Stryker
                                                                                  Lucius Stryker  Месяц назад

                                                                                  I told a co-worker that he needs to see this movie, because it features Channing Tatum as a genetically engineered, spacefaring, wolf man with futuristic, hover boots and pointy ears. He was amazed and then told me he refuses to watch movies that are dumpster fires. I guess intentionally watching terrible movies isn't for everyone.

                                                                                  • Nik does stuff
                                                                                    Nik does stuff  Месяц назад

                                                                                    Nothing makes me happier with trans ally nostalgia critic

                                                                                    • BlueRipper15
                                                                                      BlueRipper15  Месяц назад

                                                                                      You forgot to mention the lizards from zathura

                                                                                      • WhatistheMatrix?
                                                                                        WhatistheMatrix?  Месяц назад

                                                                                        Yes.

                                                                                        • Ronald Harris
                                                                                          Ronald Harris  Месяц назад

                                                                                          Shut up meg,and a bouncing baby bore.best lines ever.

                                                                                          • John Striker
                                                                                            John Striker  Месяц назад

                                                                                            HANDS DOWN, one of the funniest nostalgia critic reviews I've seen! xD

                                                                                            • Sang Moon
                                                                                              Sang Moon  Месяц назад

                                                                                              I actually found this movie entertaining. It definitely was better than Eragon which I couldn't keep my eyes open for even if my life depended on it.

                                                                                              • Susan Kelly
                                                                                                Susan Kelly  Месяц назад

                                                                                                "I love dogs. I've always loved dogs." A new breed of dumb.

                                                                                                • Forest
                                                                                                  Forest  Месяц назад

                                                                                                  I... I like Speed Racer...

                                                                                                  • T McK
                                                                                                    T McK  Месяц назад

                                                                                                    3:18 you pure, naive soul

                                                                                                    • wesley mckay
                                                                                                      wesley mckay  Месяц назад

                                                                                                      Whats the movie at 21:34

                                                                                                      • Jason Volker
                                                                                                        Jason Volker  Месяц назад

                                                                                                        I can enjoy Star Wars Ep 1-3 I couldn't sit through the hole episode the move sounded so bad I'm sure they made it so it could be on Mystery Theater 3000 someday. I mean that is the only thing I can think of.

                                                                                                        • MyrnNecromanson
                                                                                                          MyrnNecromanson  Месяц назад

                                                                                                          Martin? Martin Septim?

                                                                                                          • David Godbout
                                                                                                            David Godbout  Месяц назад

                                                                                                            Calista Flockhart aliens. Well done sir.

                                                                                                            • Unknown Dromaeosaur
                                                                                                              Unknown Dromaeosaur  Месяц назад

                                                                                                              Jupiter ascending is basically an LGBTQRS2+ Paradise. You can be whatever you want in full succession.

                                                                                                              • Salem Saberhagen
                                                                                                                Salem Saberhagen  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                Jupiter, you're ooooon my miiiiiiind. **singing** ru-clip.com/video/yr1bTDl-D54/видео.html I fucking love this song. ^__^

                                                                                                                • Chase Hedgee
                                                                                                                  Chase Hedgee  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                  3:19: Well, well, well, if it isn't a show that started off great, but sadly became in Kit Harington's words, "disappointing."

                                                                                                                  • namekman01
                                                                                                                    namekman01  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                    am i the only person who liked this movie?

                                                                                                                    • MaskedWolfDragoness
                                                                                                                      MaskedWolfDragoness  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                      Nobody knows as little about women than men do. Not even transwomen know anything about women.

                                                                                                                      • Exterminator
                                                                                                                        Exterminator  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                        oh yeah, I remember this film and how much hype it got. I don't remember anything in the movie though.

                                                                                                                        • Twisted Legacy
                                                                                                                          Twisted Legacy  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                          ... I'm surprised you didn't make any comparisons between the names Jupiter Jones and Pluto Nash.

                                                                                                                          • Jon Showen
                                                                                                                            Jon Showen  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                            To be fair the verse would be appropriate cause in universe, Uni means consisting of only one. So if there's multiple universes, it's stands to reason that we remove the uni and call it a verse. Sure they could have called it the multiverse but those are so overused, at least they're trying to be different albeit poorly.

                                                                                                                            • Arkadiel
                                                                                                                              Arkadiel  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                              I scrolled a bit and found that nobody stated the fact that the name Jupiter Jones existed before as a main character in the childrens crime novel series „the three investigators“ by Robert Arthur. And because of that character we have a german band named „Jupiter Jones“.

                                                                                                                              • ForestWolfGaming
                                                                                                                                ForestWolfGaming  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                ABCDEF all I'm gonna say.

                                                                                                                                • Kai Merry
                                                                                                                                  Kai Merry  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                  Genesis of the dumbasses.

                                                                                                                                  • caboose2569
                                                                                                                                    caboose2569  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                    Technicallyyy she always was one. This is just bad writing regardless

                                                                                                                                    • Cosmo the blue peashooter
                                                                                                                                      Cosmo the blue peashooter  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                      If bees recognize royalty then the Queen of England would be surrounded by them

                                                                                                                                      • The GuyWhoDoesEverything
                                                                                                                                        The GuyWhoDoesEverything  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                        If you look closely, the woman on the left side of the screen actually flinches her arm when that guy screams "GO!"

                                                                                                                                        • gidelstarwind
                                                                                                                                          gidelstarwind  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                          Voice actress for Sailor Jupiter is cute now wonder Sailor Jupiter has always been my favorite. :)

                                                                                                                                          • Time Traveler123
                                                                                                                                            Time Traveler123  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                            Her name is almost a Jojo reference....

                                                                                                                                            • Special Agent Washing Tub
                                                                                                                                              Special Agent Washing Tub  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                              4:00 Okay, but Speed Racer was actually good...

                                                                                                                                              • angbandsbane
                                                                                                                                                angbandsbane  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                You know what might've actually made this movie better? If it had been a space western instead of a space opera. Subtle (sometimes nonexistent) distinction, but if at the end of the day the plot is basically an old-fashioned land grab--and one that they confine to a bureaucracy anyway, which would be more SW than SO--might as well.

                                                                                                                                                • Jamie Feddema
                                                                                                                                                  Jamie Feddema  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                  Aw, you skipped over one of the dumbest parts! Eddy had a dragon henchman through the whole movie and Channing Tatum has a barely visible fight scene with him where he literally kills him by glitching him through the floor like a freaking video game character. Like Wolfboy flips the lizardman over his shoulder and he phases through the floor until only his head is above and he gets stuck and instantly dies somehow.

                                                                                                                                                  • ben garrison
                                                                                                                                                    ben garrison  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                    "I have more in common with a dog than I have with you." ...Greatest pick-up line ever?

                                                                                                                                                    • Rachelectro DC-84
                                                                                                                                                      Rachelectro DC-84  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                      Hehe, my lame self totally recognized those bits of the LotR appendix. It has got to be about the burial mounds of the kings of Rohan and the flowers that grow on them. 👓

                                                                                                                                                      • pash91
                                                                                                                                                        pash91  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                        DO ONE FOR THE LOVE GURU..with Mike Myers

                                                                                                                                                        • Michael Dudley
                                                                                                                                                          Michael Dudley  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                          As a fan of Eddie Redmayne, I really think he knew exactly what kind of movie this was and just hammed it up to 11. Filmjoy has an excellent video on this movie in one of their deep dive video where they try and find the good in bad movies.

                                                                                                                                                          • Laine Halsey
                                                                                                                                                            Laine Halsey  Месяц назад

                                                                                                                                                            Hey I think the appendix of the lord of the rings is interesting