It's Time to Talk about Psychological and Verbal Abuse | Lizzy Glazer | TEDxPhillipsAcademyAndover

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  • Published: 04 April 2018
  • Psychological and verbal abuse are the most common elements of domestic violence, yet they are the least talked about. A survivor of domestic violence, Lizzy Glazer, discusses her experiences. In her TEDx talk, she identifies five common signs of abuse, acknowledges the guilt and shame victims feel, and raises awareness of the invisible scars of psychological and verbal abuse.
    Lizzy is a student at Phillips Academy in Andover, MA, USA. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

Comments • 274

  • Atiqah Azman
    Atiqah Azman  4 ore fa

    I feel you...my father is also like that..our situation is same

    • toneman335
      toneman335  2 giorni fa

      Psychological abuse is more damaging and longer lasting than physical injury.

      • Shawnay Warren
        Shawnay Warren  3 giorni fa

        My mom used biblical manipulation to keep me from recognizing the signs of emotional and verbal abuse, and she still does it today. She would also break me down, build me up, and make me feel worthless again and do it all over again. She would manipulate my mind.

        • Shawnay Warren
          Shawnay Warren  3 giorni fa

          I thought I was the only one that is experiencing emotional and verbal abuse in my family.

          • Shawnay Warren
            Shawnay Warren  3 giorni fa

            Abuse does tear families apart.

            • Curt Christensen
              Curt Christensen  10 giorni fa

              And the victims are usually little kids

              • Lyssa B
                Lyssa B  15 giorni fa

                Not even 5 minutes in and you described my mom... My Nana opened my eyes that I was being abused even when I didn't notice it because she manipulated me and my siblings into believing that what she was doing was disciplining us and teaching us right from wrong. My Nana is taking action and soon my parents will have to take classes to learn how to be better parents and to realize that they are treating us poorly and without the right amount of love.

                • Lyssa B
                  Lyssa B  15 giorni fa

                  *with

                  • Gina Smith
                    Gina Smith  18 giorni fa

                    One day I hope I can thank the speaker for letting me know that I am not alone.

                    • Elaine Reed
                      Elaine Reed  20 giorni fa

                      Help please

                      • Genevieve Reed
                        Genevieve Reed  22 giorni fa

                        ALL these phrases give me flashbacks. I had this and every kind of physical abuse you can think of, from my parents and first husband. Unlike you, I thought everyone live like this. I am in my sixties now and the flashbacks, dreams and memories are still very fresh. I had years of therapy which helped some. My current part we is a very kind man who would never hurt me. Unfortunately the good guys often pay the price for the monster's debts.

                        • Aimee Seek
                          Aimee Seek  23 giorni fa

                          Me too.

                          • Amutha Venkatachalam
                            Amutha Venkatachalam  24 giorni fa

                            This is no different from my story

                            • Nikki Penny
                              Nikki Penny  25 giorni fa

                              This is exactly what I've been going through the last 6 years with my step-dad.

                              • A.labialis Superior
                                A.labialis Superior  26 giorni fa

                                Thats why I dont trust anyone, I dont understand feelings and I hate my life mostly. Thanks to my lovely abusive father.

                                • Umm Zahra
                                  Umm Zahra  28 giorni fa

                                  This explains my relationship with my ex husband

                                  • Rene A
                                    Rene A  29 giorni fa

                                    Wow this is spot on with what I am going through right now with the father of my children I cannot wait to for a new life where this will all be a distant memory and I can enjoy my life with my children without having him tear apart every inch of happiness we experience

                                    • linvy kriselle
                                      linvy kriselle  Mese fa

                                      Emotional and verbal abuse sounds like me and my mom... I been abused by my mother ever since i lost my job. She constantly puts me down for not able to find work.i cant leave because i dont have money. Sucks so much. Its been two years i dont know will i ever work again or get out.

                                      • Flutter Girl Mystified

                                        I was much older than Lizzy when I found out my mother is a covert narcissist. You are not alone. ❤️

                                        • Lightup Darkness
                                          Lightup Darkness  Mese fa

                                          I'd rather get punched then get called nothing

                                          • Steph Stagi
                                            Steph Stagi  Mese fa

                                            I’m in an abusive relationship and it’s hard to get out of my marriage. I have two kids under 6 and I’m a stay at home mom. He makes a good income and I make nothing. It’s scary and it takes a brave person 😔

                                            • Bill King
                                              Bill King  Mese fa

                                              I’ve been there and still get caught. F*** them. I’m out.

                                              • Mr. E’
                                                Mr. E’  Mese fa

                                                True it’s damaging! But how could you help the father?? He was probably a victim in his childhood also..It’s sad both ways

                                                • WillOWicket
                                                  WillOWicket  Mese fa

                                                  I wish I had heard this when I was a teenager or child. I am a 63 year old women and am still being abused. He would tell us he was going to blow his brains out everytime he didn't like something we said, and so much more than that. Good job your helping a lot of people. When I was young, it was shameful to talk about it. Thank you for the upcoming generation.

                                                  • nedar giordano
                                                    nedar giordano  Mese fa

                                                    Abusive people are everywhere, they target sensitive people.

                                                    • dusty noodle
                                                      dusty noodle  Mese fa

                                                      i’m trying to figure out if i have c-ptsd from a toxic relationship that was basically exactly this. thank you for speaking about this.

                                                      • janis breanne
                                                        janis breanne  2 mesi fa

                                                        not even a minute in and i am being reminded of everything i’m being told every day

                                                        • Nyx The Drafted Witch

                                                          My mom

                                                          • Introvert Qponer
                                                            Introvert Qponer  2 mesi fa

                                                            This breaks my heart bc it hits so close to my heart.

                                                            • Isabelle Boulay
                                                              Isabelle Boulay  2 mesi fa

                                                              Sounds like a narcissistic behavior to me. A narcissist's intent is to destroy slowly while enjoying the power they have over you by doing so.

                                                              • Marija Čolak
                                                                Marija Čolak  2 mesi fa

                                                                My father is like that... He and stepmother are destroying me...

                                                                • AmethystDreaming
                                                                  AmethystDreaming  2 mesi fa

                                                                  Snarky comments about your appearance that are "excused" as jokes.. Then you're told you're too sensitive.

                                                                  • Joe Green
                                                                    Joe Green  2 mesi fa

                                                                    Yea , I've had that

                                                                    • Jay Charles
                                                                      Jay Charles  2 mesi fa

                                                                      And...Stay OUT of the military! It is FAR worse for abuse!

                                                                      • Aroa Azalea
                                                                        Aroa Azalea  2 mesi fa

                                                                        Some guys are crazy.

                                                                        • Ellen Oficiar
                                                                          Ellen Oficiar  2 mesi fa

                                                                          "Souls are many times wounded beyond recognition" ~Jesus.

                                                                          • twice born
                                                                            twice born  Mese fa

                                                                            Where is this in the Bible?

                                                                            • Baby hand Grenade
                                                                              Baby hand Grenade  2 mesi fa

                                                                              I can relate to what she said where she said the worst part about living with an abuser is the unpredictability. That's exactly what life was like with my ex. It didn't help that he had bipolar disorder and was an alcoholic. He admitted to me that when he did not take his medication that he was known for being unpredictable and I couldn't take the constant day today fear of never knowing which side of him I was going to encounter. I lived on edge and I was anxious all the time and I already had post-traumatic stress disorder before I even went into this relationship and he has just made it so much worse. I left him two weeks ago Friday and did so for the final time. I have left him four other times besides this but I am done now. He is a monster and he is never going to change. No one deserves to be treated like this and no one deserves to have to live with unpredictability. Sometimes I feared for my life around him. He needs very serious help and he's not getting it. I blame his parents because he lives at home with them and they are ignoring that he has a problem.

                                                                              • Ronda E
                                                                                Ronda E  2 mesi fa

                                                                                Please take care of YOU! You are out of that toxic craziness now. I don't know if he's trying to contact you, get you back in his life, but please don't let him back in. More sites that help me are Finding Freedom Media and Lisa A Ramono. God bless you on this journey. You got this!

                                                                                • Jen A. Wren
                                                                                  Jen A. Wren  2 mesi fa

                                                                                  Christmas , special events, birthdays were always destroyed by the Narcissist. Your happiness has to be destroyed. Only when you are sad or crying - then the Narcissist is satisfied.

                                                                                  • Jen A. Wren
                                                                                    Jen A. Wren  2 mesi fa

                                                                                    The trauma bond stops people leaving. Average 7 times before victim eventually leaves.

                                                                                    • Endy M
                                                                                      Endy M  2 mesi fa

                                                                                      Its bullying right ?

                                                                                      • Linda Lowe
                                                                                        Linda Lowe  2 mesi fa

                                                                                        I hate that phrase, " You'll never amount to anything!" My mom told me that every week. I am beginning to think it is a phrase passed down through generations of abusers. I broke that chain!! Made a point of it.

                                                                                        • Lindsey Hebert
                                                                                          Lindsey Hebert  2 mesi fa

                                                                                          I dealt with that my mom is like that she makes me think I did something wrong even though I don’t my mom calls me names says no wonder why no one likes you my dad would always yell at me controls me saying you’re not ever getting married, I feel isolated this all happened to me

                                                                                          • Mei Suratinoyo
                                                                                            Mei Suratinoyo  2 mesi fa

                                                                                            I understand how you feel. Its my dad as well. Its just the feeling of no freedom and it cuts deep. My dad was physically abusive but for years only remained verbally and mentally.

                                                                                            • Jack Mars
                                                                                              Jack Mars  2 mesi fa

                                                                                              The problem is that most women will not support recognizing this behavior as abuse on a level with the physical, because this is the kind of abuse they engage against their partners. If this behavior were recognized as abuse, and laws were fairly and evenly enforced, you would end up seeing as many, if not more, women than men getting convicted of domestic violence.

                                                                                              • Brandi Bachert
                                                                                                Brandi Bachert  2 mesi fa

                                                                                                I just want to lay down and die than deal with this daily. (Strength... in progress-not there yet). Still praying for him. Still praying for me, it’s my fault.

                                                                                                • Kat Siders
                                                                                                  Kat Siders  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                  I cried while watching this whole thing. I am still emotionally trapped, torn, and afraid today but hopefully I will breathe again soon. Never give up. I won't.

                                                                                                  • Freya Morgan
                                                                                                    Freya Morgan  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                    I didn’t know there was someone who went through what we are going through.

                                                                                                    • LuminanceSnow
                                                                                                      LuminanceSnow  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                      It hits close to home... :(

                                                                                                      • Priority 1: Kindness

                                                                                                        Her father is alarmingly similar to mine.

                                                                                                        • susanosky1
                                                                                                          susanosky1  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                          Well done! Inspiring

                                                                                                          • Tash Super.Sweet
                                                                                                            Tash Super.Sweet  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                            07:30 onwards these 5 signs are the typical characteristics of a narcissistic personality. But not all abusers are narcissistic...

                                                                                                            • Denise Kinyon
                                                                                                              Denise Kinyon  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                              I’m filled with feelings of loneliness, abandon, shame... I left him 2 months ago... but it’s been two months filled with fear, not trusting myself and my decisions. I was married for 21 years.😭😓😞

                                                                                                              • Andrea Johnson
                                                                                                                Andrea Johnson  2 mesi fa

                                                                                                                It was incredibly brave of you to leave. I have seen this happen with some of my friends who have left long-term abusive relationships. It gets easier, things will heal, and you will find your sense of power again. It might take time, a support network and maybe some therapy, but it can get better

                                                                                                                • Alma Vasquez
                                                                                                                  Alma Vasquez  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                  😔

                                                                                                                  • Izzy Bolden
                                                                                                                    Izzy Bolden  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                    Oh yes my father was pretty much the same way. He loves to intimate and establish his dominance / control. He also loves to constantly mention how much ownership he has over me and the home. Now he's simply taking money out of my account and threatens to kick me out if I deny him access.

                                                                                                                    • Izzy Bolden
                                                                                                                      Izzy Bolden  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                      "you have no leverage" -father

                                                                                                                      • Erika Hernandez
                                                                                                                        Erika Hernandez  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                        😭😭😭😭

                                                                                                                        • Jenic Darling
                                                                                                                          Jenic Darling  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                          Verbal and emotional abuse has truly affected me and molded the person i am. Its still happening but happy to know that theres a name for it and definition. My parents are divorced and both do it differently. I live with my mom who has anger and drinking issues, which only makes it worse and we're currently in a tough time and pinching pennies. And if she does something i didnt even have a part in like even something as simple as spilling something or had a bad day... is just on me and this girl is right, knowing your weak points like what ur sensitive about, name calling and destroying ur self worth and how u view yourself. I have depression since a kid, anxiety and social anxiety, ptsd from several things, had self harm, suicidal thoughts(1st was about 4th grade)and had been in a mental health unit 3 times just to name a few. A doctor i was seeing before they left to raise their kids said they thought i had borderline personality disorder but didnt like test me for it before they left but the doctor at the mental hospital had that in their notes about me but again not actually diagnosed with it yet. I never been in a relationship because of how my upbringing and present is. Who would want me? My Psychologists after telling her things of my childhood, and the present of things shes said and done told me it would be best for me if i didn't live with her. But im stuck, dont have money to live on my own or roommate with. Have trouble with job interviews i just get so nervous and flustered i cant think. Sometimes i think ill just end up in a relationship where they'll be bad too. Cause children of abuse have a higher chance of being with someone who will too, seeing how its normal for them

                                                                                                                          • Cyberbullyingdetect 6131

                                                                                                                            Emotional abuse is so hard to get over with because these narcissists I met in person have said things and treated human in a way that somehow made me think they have a point , but I’m glad I had the nature of being able to think “it doesn’t matter whether their offenses sounds right , what matters is my feelings and my bruises, I am allowed to exist the way I am” there are no such thing as positive offenses ,abuse is abuse. And I just wanna say as a conclusion that narcissists will never have a point and they never did anyway so if you’re a loving person then feel free to exist the way you’d like.

                                                                                                                            • ash ley
                                                                                                                              ash ley  Mese fa

                                                                                                                              Excellent point!

                                                                                                                              • The Favored
                                                                                                                                The Favored  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                Thank so, SO much for this! These are the issues that do not get talked about enough, and when they are there's this attitude of 'these people are weak for not spotting the red flags early on and leaving'.

                                                                                                                                • Ainsley Flint
                                                                                                                                  Ainsley Flint  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                  When my abusive husband left us my kids and I could shower whenever we wanted and eat food out of the fridge without being yelled at.

                                                                                                                                  • blackcountry girl
                                                                                                                                    blackcountry girl  2 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                    so sad. I've been abused most my life weather its bully or my sons dad . it's just petty

                                                                                                                                    • Ronda E
                                                                                                                                      Ronda E  2 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                      So freeing isn't it. You are strong. Please dont allow him back in. God bless you and your family

                                                                                                                                      • Theodore Sweger
                                                                                                                                        Theodore Sweger  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                        Thank you this was most needed. The signs are point on, Oh, how I wish everyone could get and understand this message.

                                                                                                                                        • Josh Quick
                                                                                                                                          Josh Quick  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                          I listened to this whole talk and I feel very split. On the one hand I'm sorry for the way that her father made her feel but at the same time I feel like she overly-demonizes him and conflates the verbal abuse at the same level of someone threatening her life. I know that loud and angry people can make one feel threatened but isn't this a bit different than someone actually hurting them? I'm sorry if this comment is insensitive but I just think that if we start overly demonizing people who are not deserving we start driving wedges between each other.

                                                                                                                                          • Molly Snyder
                                                                                                                                            Molly Snyder  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                            Thank you

                                                                                                                                            • Mikey playz mp
                                                                                                                                              Mikey playz mp  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                              Wow so true jus coming from my mother house from doing laundry n get accused of cheating every time I go to my mother house he tells me im doing something and I'm lying all the time im tired of this he is raging when I go outside for a second and when he does he can do whateva he wants I'm so tired

                                                                                                                                              • Hal Eloi
                                                                                                                                                Hal Eloi  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                Lost my parents at age 11 - Had abusive foster parent who pointed out my lacks, weaknesses but never my good points. I ran from her. Another advice: stay OUT of the military unless u have a love of being abused.

                                                                                                                                                • Mary Smith
                                                                                                                                                  Mary Smith  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                  When this young woman's father sees this presentation, he is going to be in denial. He may never believe he is actually that abusive individual.

                                                                                                                                                  • Mary Smith
                                                                                                                                                    Mary Smith  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                    Abuse can come from many directions, genders, religious backgrounds, etc. BUT... the majority of abuse comes from men towards those who are weaker, ie. women and children!

                                                                                                                                                    • Grace Abimbola O.
                                                                                                                                                      Grace Abimbola O.  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                      Exactly!! I thought I was the only one who experienced this type of childhood....

                                                                                                                                                      • JC Needles
                                                                                                                                                        JC Needles  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                        I spent 16 years with an emotional abuser. Five years out of that relationship and I'm still trying to put myself back together. Some days I wonder if I'll ever get back the confidence and joy of life I had before I met him. Recovery is a slow and lonely road.

                                                                                                                                                        • Deborah Hardeman
                                                                                                                                                          Deborah Hardeman  Mese fa

                                                                                                                                                          You will it takes time.

                                                                                                                                                          • Kendra Stevens
                                                                                                                                                            Kendra Stevens  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                            Im almost 11 yrs out. No you wont get "back to" who you were before. There is now a new normal for you. You move on and become a new you. Its not all bad. New life, new wants, new laughs, etc. Possibly new friends, new home, new job, maybe even a move! But, some of the demons will follow you for life. Talk to someone.

                                                                                                                                                            • ROTTER
                                                                                                                                                              ROTTER  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                              Your father must have been my father. We hated living there. Identical story!

                                                                                                                                                              • U Lexi
                                                                                                                                                                U Lexi  2 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                same! I swear in every one of these stories, they almost always say the same thing

                                                                                                                                                                • Grace Abimbola O.
                                                                                                                                                                  Grace Abimbola O.  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                  same!!!

                                                                                                                                                                  • Grace Kelly
                                                                                                                                                                    Grace Kelly  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                    Wow this was my husband and parents! I went no contact and they joined ranks. They make it there mission to ruin me any way they can because I got away!

                                                                                                                                                                    • Tammy Estes
                                                                                                                                                                      Tammy Estes  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                      Thank you so much for standing up and giving the speech you’re an amazing woman

                                                                                                                                                                      • Raja
                                                                                                                                                                        Raja  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                        My stepdad is verbally abusive

                                                                                                                                                                        • Nguyen Thuy Giang
                                                                                                                                                                          Nguyen Thuy Giang  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                          Thank you so much for letting me know I am not alone.

                                                                                                                                                                          • Joana Escobar
                                                                                                                                                                            Joana Escobar  3 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                            We r here r u

                                                                                                                                                                            • Starya
                                                                                                                                                                              Starya  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                              M literally weeping now. I dont want my daughter to have a father I am dating.

                                                                                                                                                                              • THE XM / THE VINTAGE ROOM

                                                                                                                                                                                My Dad did the same thing

                                                                                                                                                                                • Jay Charles
                                                                                                                                                                                  Jay Charles  4 mesi fa

                                                                                                                                                                                  Glad i walked out of school in 10th grade and went home to learn. 100x better, no assholes to deal with each day.