The BIGGEST Mistake People Make In Dating

  • Published: 07 November 2016
  • Link to 3 ways to start a conversation video:
    The BIGGEST Mistake People Make In Dating
    There is one thing that ruins more relationships than any others. And while the examples I give are from my own life, this is true for men and women, straight, gay, it doesn't matter.
    That thing is neediness. It often looks like obsessiveness, meaning you start imagining what it would be be boyfriend and girlfriend after one encounter, discussing kid names, giving larges gifts, talking to them about your future together in early dates, or when you spend all day thinking about why they didn’t get back to that text you sent. And it’s repulsive. And it’s the biggest thing that messes it up right after you meet someone you really like.
    And I want to give you three simple things and one harder thing that you can do to fight neediness - because if you’ve got it, it can kill a relationship before it begins. Trust me, I’ve experienced it plenty of times. Keep in mind this specific advice is for early in a relationship
    0:51 Trying to contact them every single day
    2:37 Pleading when they can't meet up
    3:55 Changing your schedule to fit theirs
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Comments • 1 847

  • Gummibear173
    Gummibear173  14 นาทีที่ผ่านมา

    The point isn't that dating is a game. The point he is getting across is to have your own life. Someone else can't make you happy, they could make you happier. So don't over compromise your week to hang out with someone cute.

    • Autumn is
      Autumn is  2 วันที่ผ่านมา

      I like someone, but I back up because I don't want to seem needy towards them.

      • Darren Wareing
        Darren Wareing  5 วันที่ผ่านมา


        • Terry Boh
          Terry Boh  5 วันที่ผ่านมา

          Amazing stuff bro💪

          • Elvis Pfützenreuter
            Elvis Pfützenreuter  5 วันที่ผ่านมา

            Whoever contacts you day and night hasn't got a life and a job, which is b.a.d.

            • Letho of Gulet
              Letho of Gulet  6 วันที่ผ่านมา

              I literally just got broken up with because I was needy

              • Alison Maciel
                Alison Maciel  8 วันที่ผ่านมา

                Listen to Barney Stinson, 3 days rule

                • meap peam
                  meap peam  9 วันที่ผ่านมา

                  Does sending messages to her after seeing her at school and also the next days counts as a mistake? We’re not dating

                  • m0rphiumsuchtig
                    m0rphiumsuchtig  9 วันที่ผ่านมา

                    Dude, really, you have the most sinister predatory smirk I have ever seen in my life.

                    • Thomas Chirwa
                      Thomas Chirwa  10 วันที่ผ่านมา

                      Don't chase after people you like, for once let someone chase after u...that way u will learn to appreciate that person...or else u will forever chase after Jays and Beyonces.

                      • Никита Ленкевич
                        Никита Ленкевич  11 วันที่ผ่านมา

                        Mistake number one, you are slavic and have incel appearance. Our woman like foreigners. In addition author -chad.))

                        • Evan Stocks
                          Evan Stocks  12 วันที่ผ่านมา

                          his face creeps me out his smile is way to wide

                          • FireEagle89
                            FireEagle89  12 วันที่ผ่านมา

                            I need perspective Charlie. I have been seeing this gal for quite some time now. Thing is she doesn't really reach out to hang out but when I ask her out she is always available. She even goes as far as to not cancelling when she has an emergency (job). How should I go about this? Thanks in advance!

                            • Old memes Are great
                              Old memes Are great  12 วันที่ผ่านมา

                              Dude I just don’t know what to say like every time I meet someone I have a lot of confidence and I become very funny because I fell like I could say what ever the f I want to and Makes people but after the second day I magically becomes impossible

                              • J Wil
                                J Wil  13 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                Yo, word to your mother.

                                • deload
                                  deload  13 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                  I wish I had seen this like 3 weeks ago. I needed a kick in the head to knock myself out of all of these. Luckily I have been able to not go crazy overboard but I really need to hold back on constantly trying to talk to her when we aren't together

                                  • _fluffy fluff
                                    _fluffy fluff  14 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                    Thank u ! Really

                                    • Don DAmato
                                      Don DAmato  14 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                      In a relationship there are no games either you wanna be with me or you don’t stop trying to figure everything out.

                                      • A Singh
                                        A Singh  14 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                        The problem is is that neediness is a self destructive cycle it is a perverse aspect of love in the sense that when you fall in love with someone you need them to reciprocate and that in turn becomes neediness

                                        • Sunmoon Stars
                                          Sunmoon Stars  15 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                          If people are seeking a partner, then they have need of a partner. Why should they lie about it? Why can't the fact that each person is in need of someone at that time be a bonding factor? I don't understand this business of faking that we don't need anybody; it's a lie and it doesn't help.

                                          • Giovani Camara
                                            Giovani Camara  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                            Basically don’t be codependent!! Everything you listed is codependent 😂

                                            • Fish Canon
                                              Fish Canon  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                              I see people make the opposite of these “mistakes”. People are competing to show less interest and flaky. Being neediness is not a mistake. Being flaky is. Instead of encouraging people not to be needy, you should encourage people to be genuine and invest in a relationship.

                                              • Eugie Valdes
                                                Eugie Valdes  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                I wish I saw this video in highschool...oh well had to learn things the hard way

                                                • MrECNN
                                                  MrECNN  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                  aim for interdependence not co-dependence.

                                                  • Darío Gutierrez
                                                    Darío Gutierrez  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                    For a moment I was like, I wish I had half his confidence to keep it real and hold my ground. But then I realized I actually do that most of the time. Once I planned a lunch together in a nice place I found. Invited one week before. She had something to do and cancelled one hour before. Bummer. But I just responded with an "ah". That was it . And we are seeing eachother again so it's cool.

                                                    • Brian Wind Grøndahl
                                                      Brian Wind Grøndahl  18 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                      Pleas don't do the off-site vids, I get you want traffic on your site, but either it happens ore it don't. Ther are severel things that comes in the way, I got premium THclips and I'm off en just listening to THclips learning when I work ore train. And often I cast to my TV. And I can't with your off site videos, so I'm not seeing them, even when I want to. And last I'm going to other sources because of this, you are forcing me to miss out, I know ther are others that do Paetron special vids, but I don't know I'm missing out.. Hope you ajust your way of running your channel ant it can help you keep growing, your videos are solid and well scripted so it's very annoying to miss out..

                                                      • SuperJ1109
                                                        SuperJ1109  18 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                        really really good advice

                                                        • JonJon Hyper
                                                          JonJon Hyper  19 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                          Thank you so much for this video! Im so guilty of that time flexibly part and now im awaken! I will stop compromising and start focusing on my life as it is

                                                          • rave1704
                                                            rave1704  21 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                            The world is not fair I know... I understand the rules of the game but I do not accept them.. I will most probably remain single because I am really fed up with how arrogant women are just because they have certain biological advantages..

                                                            • dan buczynski
                                                              dan buczynski  21 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                              Ugh. I'm guilty as hell.

                                                              • Juan_enoG
                                                                Juan_enoG  22 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                That first thing just seems off, if I'm interested in a girl I'm going to want to see her as often as possible that's just how it is for me, no games, I like you I will make time for you often and I expect the same and if not then cool just don't waste my time and be straight up that you're the type to play games so I can find someone who's not into games. 🤷🏻‍♂️

                                                                • Brian Scott
                                                                  Brian Scott  23 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                  If I had seen this 2 months ago I'd still have a girlfriend.

                                                                  • your mother
                                                                    your mother  23 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                    Online dating? *NEEDINESS* oh...

                                                                    • Sam Yap
                                                                      Sam Yap  24 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                      The only mistake I made was not dating you 😝

                                                                      • Celso Henrique
                                                                        Celso Henrique  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                        ive been born at the wrong time. Back in the days i would ask the girls Father for marry her and thats it. Where have the gold times gone?!

                                                                        • katie wallace
                                                                          katie wallace  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                          I love how clear and elaborate you are! And I can not forget inspiring (: you encourage in a way that's practical and understanding and I really Iove that. Keep it up!

                                                                          • Louie Cen
                                                                            Louie Cen  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                            Just met someone new yesterday. We hangout together and had lots of fun. Then today came. Wanted to still meet them today. Tried even calling twice, first time it was declined, called again for 2nd time and it was un answered. Well, wont try reaching out to them again and will back off to see wat happens next.

                                                                            • Lidija Cullen
                                                                              Lidija Cullen  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                              This guy should come back when he's had a couple dates.

                                                                              • JP
                                                                                JP  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                Small suggestion, get some black t-shirts with a cool Charisma on Command logo. It would give you a little more flare that people enjoy

                                                                                • John Reid
                                                                                  John Reid  14 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                  Children wear graphic tees.

                                                                                  • DESS DESS
                                                                                    DESS DESS  27 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                    Be ugly.

                                                                                    • blueflyer
                                                                                      blueflyer  27 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                      If I like you, I'd just show that I like you. If I feel like calling you Right Now, I'd just call you Right Now. If I don't feel like it, then I just won't. Someone doesn't like me this way. Then I'd move on. Life is that Simple and Easy.

                                                                                      • Logan Twist
                                                                                        Logan Twist  27 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                        So in other words, don't give a fuck.

                                                                                        • Jonathan Taylor
                                                                                          Jonathan Taylor  27 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                          This video hurt

                                                                                          • endre johnsen
                                                                                            endre johnsen  27 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                            Whish i knew this couple a months ago.....

                                                                                            • Jonathan Delgado
                                                                                              Jonathan Delgado  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                              This advice is actually very great, and exactly what i needed

                                                                                              • wombo combo
                                                                                                wombo combo  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                I wish I had seen this a month ago, learned this the hard way. 🤦‍♂️

                                                                                                • Malcolm Hare
                                                                                                  Malcolm Hare  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                  Man... I'm 35 and didn't have the healthiest childhood but I feel like I've overcome a lot through experience. A lot of your videos, I think "wow, I remember that feeling, I'm glad I know better now." This one hit me. It's something I've recognized as a flaw in myself but never known how to understand the root and you nailed it. I just started watching your videos tonight and I'll binge them as I do. All of your videos are helpful but this one struck a chord. This blends into integrity... stick to your plans even if they are just plans you made with yourself. Your videos, I'm building a playlist for. I tend to shy away from self help because the authors tend to make themsleves an authority on everything and promise an infallible system for navigating the jungle of social interaction. You are so approachable because your word isn't final you're just providing tools and relatable experiences that got you there. I'm a fan sir. Keep this up.

                                                                                                  • Charisma on Command
                                                                                                    Charisma on Command   หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                    ~ Thank you for the kind words, Malcolm! Appreciate the support. :-)

                                                                                                    • D VDV
                                                                                                      D VDV  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                      I catch myself watching your videos two or three times in a row, because they are so goddamn JAM PACKED with insight, it is unbelievable. Huge fan since like 16 hours haha.

                                                                                                      • Charisma on Command
                                                                                                        Charisma on Command   หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                        ~ Glad you're enjoying the videos! Welcome to the channel. :-)

                                                                                                        • WOTBGameplay 101
                                                                                                          WOTBGameplay 101  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                          I HAVE A LUNCH DATE TOMORROW...WHAT DO I DO? IT WAS HARD TO ASK, BUT ITS EVEN HARDER THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO DO

                                                                                                          • Hugo Carlos Testino Valero
                                                                                                            Hugo Carlos Testino Valero  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                            1.25 , your welcome

                                                                                                            • Paladin301
                                                                                                              Paladin301  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                              All the things you say circle around strange behaviours of women. And that's what I am experiencing constantly.

                                                                                                              • 이치고
                                                                                                                이치고  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                So how would you actually setup time with ya girl then?

                                                                                                                • Caleb Black
                                                                                                                  Caleb Black  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                  all this proves is women are crazy and you have to jump through hoops just to not come off boring or needy

                                                                                                                  • josh greg
                                                                                                                    josh greg  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                    Ok I need some advice on this girl we met and talked for a few hours and I liked her alot and she seemed to like me I said we need to hangout some time she then said do you have facebook I said yes but the next day I added her then after 2 days i figured she wasn't interested but then she added me so of course I messaged her so how's was your day at about 4 no response then on thursday I messaged again and said hey are your free this weekend. She replied sadly no I'm not. I said that's alright maybe next weekend. The whole weekend goes by and on the Wensday I messaged and said I know it's a bit early in the week to ask but are you free Sunday it's supposed to be a lovely day and I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk (around where I live) seen but no response. I wait the next day I try to talk to her say hey I didn't ask what's it like being a "blank" no response. Then Friday I said i know you haven't responded yet but I'm resending the invitation the temperature has gone up so it's going to be a pritty muggy day sunday, unless you just want to go see a movie or something. Then she responded sorry I'm busy, I'm not really interested. I took it first like this was over immediately and said I understand can I ask why. Then I went and said maybe she wasn't interested in the date the walk was pritty vague thing like you didn't plan anything Wtf. So I messaged back saying a walk sounds kinda boring i know I just wanted to show you around where I live, then I said well I regret not asking what you do for fun when we met so when ever your free message me and we will come up with something to do together. Then I haven't really heard back it's been a full week since then and I plan on leaving her alone for the rest of the week at least. But I just want an outsiders opinion did I completely screw it already or can I just back up and give it some time. Because honestly I'm not desperate or anything I've just never got along and had so much in common with some one in such a short time I like her. I mean she's a 30 year old devorced woman l and I'm a 24 year old man who's never dated anyone before but honestly I think we'd be good together.

                                                                                                                    • meangreenlipsey
                                                                                                                      meangreenlipsey  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                      I wish I would have watched this a month ago - I blew it with a girl by making these mistakes 😕

                                                                                                                      • jacqueline sanchez
                                                                                                                        jacqueline sanchez  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                        A full video on neediness? Be it with friends family or partners?

                                                                                                                        • Brandon lee
                                                                                                                          Brandon lee  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                          I know this is a really old vid but my last relationship that I was in ended in a confusing and conflicted way. From my pov it seemed like it was her and from her pov it seemed like it was mine. This girl and I dated for 6 months. The first two months were great we had a total of 5 dates. After the 5th date I never saw her again. Every time I would try to set something up she would say yes but cancel last second all the time. I tried to talk to her about it but she left me on read and I dropped it but she also stopped texting me back on simple good morning and goodnights. Long story short I ended breaking up with her because I never got to see her again for 4 months and she never texted me back on anything. So my question is was I to clingy or was it her? She said it was me because I was to clingy but my friends have said that it wasn’t me that it was her because she just stopped trying.

                                                                                                                          • TheImpossible ChickenMafia
                                                                                                                            TheImpossible ChickenMafia  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                            loving is like fishing. you bait it. you time it. you let it tire itself out. THEN YOU REEL IT. and you've got it.

                                                                                                                            • Darío Gutierrez
                                                                                                                              Darío Gutierrez  17 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                                                              And then you make some fine human sushi amiright

                                                                                                                              • Evurgreen Gray
                                                                                                                                Evurgreen Gray  26 วันที่ผ่านมา

                                                                                                                                then you gut it and throw it in an icebox

                                                                                                                                • tom ster
                                                                                                                                  tom ster  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                  Space is for players. Not real people. Real people do like it when you give attention. Just not desperate attention.

                                                                                                                                  • tom ster
                                                                                                                                    tom ster  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                    What ruins it all? Not being comfortable with yourself. Second, being desperate and finding just anyone that usually ends up being all the wrong person. Cuz desperate looks cute only to toxic people

                                                                                                                                    • The Executed Code
                                                                                                                                      The Executed Code  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                      This is not complex guys and all this video can be just 1 sentence: "Don't be available to her all the time."

                                                                                                                                      • Martin
                                                                                                                                        Martin  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                        I wish I watched this one week ago... I think there's still hope, but I am afraid I spoiled something good.

                                                                                                                                        • AnigachanA 11
                                                                                                                                          AnigachanA 11  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                          I have a pretty small mouth could u lend some

                                                                                                                                          • Pixel Puppy
                                                                                                                                            Pixel Puppy  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                            Point 3 is HUUUUUUGE.

                                                                                                                                            • Aggronn
                                                                                                                                              Aggronn  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                              People want what they cant have

                                                                                                                                              • Katie Weakley
                                                                                                                                                Katie Weakley  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                Wow I really didn't realize how needy I was i'm like kinda pretty needy who knew

                                                                                                                                                • Neppo
                                                                                                                                                  Neppo  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                  If It's about neediness then why do you date in the first place?

                                                                                                                                                  • Neppo
                                                                                                                                                    Neppo  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                    Honesty is the only thing you need for starting a long-lasting relationship.

                                                                                                                                                    • Master Chief
                                                                                                                                                      Master Chief  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                      Value yourself then more you will value others. Love yourself so you can love others more!

                                                                                                                                                      • Master Chief
                                                                                                                                                        Master Chief  หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                        5:46 then they consummated before marriage

                                                                                                                                                        • Keith Winestein
                                                                                                                                                          Keith Winestein  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                          I watched this a few years ago. But have forgotten all the wise words and tips. Glad I came back as I need some advice right now. Thanks for your wisdom buddy!

                                                                                                                                                          • minhnhn
                                                                                                                                                            minhnhn  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                            why am I watching this even when Im single

                                                                                                                                                            • Hugh Jos
                                                                                                                                                              Hugh Jos  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                              Watching this before I text a girl back

                                                                                                                                                              • Red 6
                                                                                                                                                                Red 6  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                                This might seem a bit odd, but the reason why I have problems dating someone is because I have way too much free time. There is like a 1% chance that a girl would like to meet with me on a particular day and I wouldn't have time for her. Which is frustrating. Everyone around me seems so busy with their lives and I am like "hey, I've got my 8 hours after work everyday, who thinks I am cool?". I hate it. I hate myself for having so little interests. On top of that I like to spend a lot of time alone, but how do you explain that to someone? "Let's meet on Wednesday" "Sorry, I can't." "Why?" "Because I like to be alone and do nothing on Wednesdays." I don't want to make up things just to make the impression that I am also busy. Because I am really not. It all goes down to the fact that I am unable to find any hobbies I guess. Screw my boring life.

                                                                                                                                                                • Golden Studios
                                                                                                                                                                  Golden Studios  2 หลายเดือนก่อน

                                                                                                                                                                  Thanks now I’m gonna fix things with my boyfriend