Biggest Secret That Sabotages Relationships - Quality Girl vs Cool Girl

  • Published: 07 April 2014
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    In this video you'll learn the biggest secret that sabotages relationships. To find out the difference between being the Quality Girl vs the Cool Girl, check it out!
    Please post a comment on this video... I'd love to hear your thoughts about this topic!
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    Mat Boggs Bio:
    As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.
    As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs’ dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.
    Mat’s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.
    As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!
    Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.
    If you’re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here:

    Related Topics:
    Dating Advice For Women
    Relationship Advice For Women
    Relationship Coach For Women
    Dating Coach For Women
    Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.

Comments • 444

  • Jenni Doughty
    Jenni Doughty  Dia atrás

    I'm definitely a quality girl

    • Flibgonrt Sheglis
      Flibgonrt Sheglis  3 dias atrás

      Ummm...are you saying the guy doesn't realize that breaking three dates in a row is probably not good?

      • Susan Crook
        Susan Crook  Mês atrás

        Wonder if he’d be the “cool guy” or the “quality man” if the tables were turned.

        • placebo106
          placebo106  2 meses atrás

          I would be the cool girl. No problem hun, you go, pick up your son. But I would make other plans for the weekend. Because if I'm important to him, he would invite me to pick his son up. (if we were going out for a while) If it's a first date, that would be kinda the last one. No problem, he can go wherever he wants but he will need to work very hard to get that second date.

          • Diamond Sky179
            Diamond Sky179  2 meses atrás

            😂😂🤦🏾‍♀️ IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE!

            • Diamond Sky179
              Diamond Sky179  2 meses atrás

              I get this but sometimes people need to be more responsible with people's feelings as well

              • Melissa Ann Oyler Ryan
                Melissa Ann Oyler Ryan  3 meses atrás

                Sorry.... Don't agree with your advice. You teach people how to treat you. When a man keeps putting other things above you first and your second and you let him. He will know you will accept that behavior. He will know you don't see yourself with more self value and you don't put up boundaries. Give a man an inch.... he will take a mile.

                • xorosho2013
                  xorosho2013  4 meses atrás

                  Another Great Video!👌

                  • Marisa Marino
                    Marisa Marino  4 meses atrás

                    Unless he is a narcissist. My ex did not want to have to “earn” anything.

                    • Kaythia Star
                      Kaythia Star  4 meses atrás

                      Quality Dude would have asked her to go to the Basketball game. Quality Girl would have gone to the basketball game to see how he handled kids and stress levels.

                      • Lava Yuki
                        Lava Yuki  4 meses atrás

                        That guy sure has a lot of emergencies and things. But if it was only 2 weeks out of a much longer time period and didn't happen continuously, i think it it should be forgiven since those scenarios seemed unavoidable

                        • Adela Radichetti
                          Adela Radichetti  5 meses atrás


                          • Im Sh
                            Im Sh  5 meses atrás

                            Thank you so much .For sharing this video.

                            • Goddess Of wisdom
                              Goddess Of wisdom  5 meses atrás

                              Wow thank you... Love this I met someone for almost 6 months from now at first i fall inlove because he's a respectful man. But i told him my boundaries that I'm not yet ready maybe after 2yrs because i want to settled everything in my life. He understand that but something was changed that i really love from him and he rarely give me a call but before he always message me first that he's going to call. The fact is eventhough I'm disappointed i don't have right to complain or asked favor because i was the who not yet fully ready. And my reason also he's still fixing his relationship with her ex wife they're having there own lawyer to processed there separations and properties. My question is do i still have a right to asked him if our relationship will go to the next level or asked him who i am really with him or if our relationship have title? I'm not scared to loss him anyway I'm just having really patient on me. Please need your advice thank you!! God bless!

                              • Lynnette Duncan
                                Lynnette Duncan  5 meses atrás

                                Ha. I’m so over allll the bullshit advise for women because MEN cannot simply be human beings that PAY ATTENTION to someone OTHER THAN HIMSELF. Men get surprised because they are kinda dumb. I don’t even know why all of these men feel the need to make careers coaching women on how to “BE” or on how to do things that make men act right.

                                • Janet Field
                                  Janet Field  6 meses atrás

                                  This video has been super helpful. I am going from Cool to Quality.

                                  • Kayla Rose
                                    Kayla Rose  6 meses atrás


                                    • Erika
                                      Erika  6 meses atrás

                                      I would ask if I could ride with him to San Diego to pick up his dog or watch him coach at his basketball are still "cool", yet showing interest in him makes him earn that level of, "Hey, this woman really cares about me and is showing interest not only in me, but in what I have going on in my life." Also, he could suggest choices...

                                      • Inkdraft
                                        Inkdraft  6 meses atrás

                                        Bottom Line: That guy had no room in his life for a relationship. Answered the phone every time? After the first mistake of answering the phone the first time on the first date he should have been smart enough to leave the phone off when they were on the other dates. Besides, the guy sounds like a people pleaser. Move on.

                                        • Mei April
                                          Mei April  6 meses atrás

                                          I'm sorry he's an idiot if he thought those events didn't cause any problems with her and he was TOTALLY blind sighted. I understand that she should communicate but they're at the beginning of the relationship. He should be more careful in planning the date. And try not to date people with kids unless you are ready to deal with the kids as part of your relationship.

                                          • Kelly ng
                                            Kelly ng  7 meses atrás

                                            The strategy to deal with men is, if they don’t spend time with you, if they don’t share and enjoy their life with you! Just walk away from them without turning your head!

                                            • Kelly ng
                                              Kelly ng  7 meses atrás

                                              when a man always comes up with many excuses for he is a busy man at everything, and never put you at the first place. Don’t waste your time! Kicked his ass out of pacific ocean! Never give him a chance!

                                              • Inga Litvinsky
                                                Inga Litvinsky  7 meses atrás

                                                Great video! I wish I had known this stuff ages ago

                                                • creatingpeacenlove
                                                  creatingpeacenlove  7 meses atrás

                                                  Start coaching men or you are in the wrong business

                                                  • creatingpeacenlove
                                                    creatingpeacenlove  7 meses atrás

                                                    Actually he is cheating on her.There was a call from another woman in another city ,he had to go or he wouldn't let her go by complaining in the email=fucktard

                                                    • creatingpeacenlove
                                                      creatingpeacenlove  7 meses atrás

                                                      The man in the story is a piece of shi..t.The girl in the story is a quality girl.Quality or cool whatever type girl you are avoid him.Disappointing her so many time when she complained he immediately showed his shit..y mentality instead of apologising and giving another chance..Id show my middle finger to such gys.He was just using her.I doubt your coaching now.

                                                      • Jami Winkelman
                                                        Jami Winkelman  7 meses atrás

                                                        Spot on! But what if the man is not quality?!...And therefore the woman cannot have that conversation?!

                                                        • Yaani Adi Shakti
                                                          Yaani Adi Shakti  7 meses atrás

                                                          great video...thank u...

                                                          • Haley Clarke
                                                            Haley Clarke  7 meses atrás

                                                            This guy more busy than Internet.. 😂😅😄

                                                            • Kathy Laurel
                                                              Kathy Laurel  8 meses atrás

                                                              Oof, a lot of salty comments on this video. I don't really know why so many women here got all defensive and wrote things like it wasn't the girl's fault, that the guy was just a jerk and that the video is almost sexist. Mat didn't say it was the girl's fault, he only showed a different path that she might have taken - it's entirely possible that they would have broken up after that anyway, but on the other hand it might have been a way to resolve a simple misunderstanding. It's really sad when potential relationships end quickly because of some little thing that could have been easily solved. Btw, I wouldn't expect anyone who's in a new relationship to put their dog beneath their new love interest. Come on, it's my dog, of course he's more important to me than someone I've just started to get to know xD

                                                              • Preteen Dhillon
                                                                Preteen Dhillon  9 meses atrás

                                                                All women want equality. She want same level of importance she is giving to men. Cool or high quality women, no one want a partner who looks at them down. Love is reciprocal, if its one sided or not leveled its not love, its need

                                                                • Kayla R.
                                                                  Kayla R.  9 meses atrás

                                                                  HHe has responsibilities that he is honoring. If they were married he would go do those things.... He did nothing wrong nor did that woman do anything wrong. If they liked each other then maybe when the basketball season ends he should not revolunteer to make morr time to date her.

                                                                  • kerry porter
                                                                    kerry porter  9 meses atrás

                                                                    She should never accept a date without 4 days notice, she wouldn't be around this weirdo.

                                                                    • Wife-LadyZoé Safonenkova
                                                                      Wife-LadyZoé Safonenkova  9 meses atrás

                                                                      She came into his life like he did into hers and they have things and people and maybe pets in their life that they love too. A big hearted woman should respects that and so should a big hearted man does too. So when unexpected things happen it just happen and that is life so if that was me who were in that relationship I should ask if he wanted my support because I care about my man (or if he was a new date?) I mean I don’t loose anything in showing that I am a caring person who want to share life in bad times like in good times. I m a friend in life even with my partner I m not just a lover. Because that is true unselfish love to love in the rain or snow not just when the sun is shining. Then I had to accept that man’s answer just. That is how I m. 🤔

                                                                      • Parastou Marashi
                                                                        Parastou Marashi  9 meses atrás

                                                                        The last minute of this video is PURE GOLD ✨✨✨ articulated so beautifully! So important to ask for what you want and express how you feel in an open and non-judgmental way. Thank you for beautifully expressing what so many men fail to say, Mathew!

                                                                        • H L
                                                                          H L  10 meses atrás

                                                                          She should just go pick up the dog with him

                                                                          • JazmineLAMBARCA
                                                                            JazmineLAMBARCA  10 meses atrás

                                                                            Can you do more videos talking about sabotage? Please and thank you. I am learning tons with your videos.

                                                                            • Eliza Simpson
                                                                              Eliza Simpson  10 meses atrás

                                                                              Why is your dog 2 hours away from you in Sandiego?

                                                                              • Jazz Jazz
                                                                                Jazz Jazz  10 meses atrás

                                                                                How about quality guy vs selfish pig.

                                                                                • Jazz Jazz
                                                                                  Jazz Jazz  10 meses atrás

                                                                                  Dump his ass.

                                                                                  • Tara Trevell
                                                                                    Tara Trevell  10 meses atrás

                                                                                    A quality man would turn off the phone!!!!!

                                                                                    • wood brass and glass
                                                                                      wood brass and glass  10 meses atrás

                                                                                      Why couldn't he left the phone off and in the freaking car? Errr.... even when I go on dates with my wife I keep the phone in the car while at dinner.

                                                                                      • Roxy Ascencio
                                                                                        Roxy Ascencio  10 meses atrás

                                                                                        Hello Matthew, I wanted to send you a message that is private. What other private media do you use? I have something I wanted to ask you. Thank you and many blessings 🕊

                                                                                        • Renee Phillips
                                                                                          Renee Phillips  10 meses atrás

                                                                                          Dump that man OMG!

                                                                                          • Sandrine CHRISTOPHE-HAYOT
                                                                                            Sandrine CHRISTOPHE-HAYOT  11 meses atrás

                                                                                            waouw that video is soooo helpful cause this what I am doing in every relationship...I feel lost with man I just don't know how to have a good relationship...:(

                                                                                            • Melissa Davis
                                                                                              Melissa Davis  11 meses atrás

                                                                                              I WANT to be a QUALITY girl!

                                                                                              • Alana Shae
                                                                                                Alana Shae  11 meses atrás

                                                                                                I think it’s cool to not play it cool sometimes. He could’ve tried harder. I don’t need to bend over backwards for a man. But ... maybe this example isn’t showing all the sides of what’s going on... it’s a one-sided story

                                                                                                • Red Lotus
                                                                                                  Red Lotus  11 meses atrás

                                                                                                  How about both parties turning their phones on silent during a date? Problem solved. Sorry but if I'm really interested in someone then everyone in the phone can wait. It's massively rude to answer a phone every date. That's not a high quality guy. Double standards.

                                                                                                  • Claire Chabert
                                                                                                    Claire Chabert  11 meses atrás

                                                                                                    Anyone here besides me entangled in a relationship where multiple people are attempting to sabotage you and your mate from being together ? 🙋🏻‍♀️✋🏻

                                                                                                    • Crazee Kids
                                                                                                      Crazee Kids  11 meses atrás

                                                                                                      So, then what do you do when the guy asks for your opinion about something that is bothering you, you tell him, and then he turns around and attacks you for saying what you feel?

                                                                                                      • Aria
                                                                                                        Aria  Anos atrás

                                                                                                        Sorry, those convoluted excuses sound like lies.

                                                                                                        • Ashley Amanda
                                                                                                          Ashley Amanda  Anos atrás

                                                                                                          You have no idea how badly I needed to hear this!!!! Your dating advice makes me feel I’m not the only one going through my struggles....this video will forever change how I view asking for what I want / need! And you’ve also helped remind me how my needs / input is of HIGH VALUE in my relationship. Thank you

                                                                                                          • Amber Mann
                                                                                                            Amber Mann  Anos atrás

                                                                                                            I come across a lot of men broken because they can’t “make” their woman happy and my advice to them... find a woman who is already happy! Im just gonna say it, Happiness is a choice. Find a gal who can make the best out of any situation and handles disappointments with grace and love. Life happens, do you see opportunity or a problem? Communication is key. We won’t always be able to meet someones expectations and we certainly won’t if they aren’t expressed and understood by both parties. We also don’t want to have to meet all of our partners needs all the time, that is far too great a burden and we are not perfect. They need to own their happiness just as we do, no matter what comes our way.

                                                                                                            • 2bNadia
                                                                                                              2bNadia  Anos atrás

                                                                                                              He was going home to his wife. I doubt he took a road trip by himself to pick up a dog instead of inviting her too

                                                                                                              • CosyLife
                                                                                                                CosyLife  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                Man this is totally what happened with my ex several times, so frustrating

                                                                                                                • emilyshmelimy
                                                                                                                  emilyshmelimy  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                  How could he be blindsided by this? He ended three dates early in a row. This dude sounds oblivious. She's better off without him.

                                                                                                                  • realcanadiangirl64
                                                                                                                    realcanadiangirl64  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                    Haha. This just happened to me! Angry email and all. Even though the poor guy didn't have a clue I was offended until I emailed him, and he insists he didn't do it on purpose, I'm still no longer interested in a man who's this dense

                                                                                                                    • ZlayaCo6aka
                                                                                                                      ZlayaCo6aka  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                      Re telling each other what you think and how you feel in a calm mature respectful MUTUALLY-APPRECIATIVE WAY, I highly recommend the audio-book version of "Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love" by Stefan Molyneux. (Because a bunch of people don't like Molyneux: Rather than shooting the messenger, LISTEN to the MESSAGE, because it's about the message, NOT about the messenger.)

                                                                                                                      • kimcelestine
                                                                                                                        kimcelestine  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                        The man could have taken her to any of those three scenarios to me if he really was into her

                                                                                                                        • Kyrana Lilia
                                                                                                                          Kyrana Lilia  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                          Thank you for this amazing video. I wish I saw that one year ago. But its really the video that explain my mistake because back then I was the nice girl and after a while I exploded. Well guess I cant take my words from the past Change but anyway Thank you. I think this will change a lot in my future relationships

                                                                                                                          • Therese Kelsy Cunningham

                                                                                                                            Gosh, I feel like I do this and they seem to run from my open honest approach. I am all about respecting myself and my man. I have been told i am to honest by friends (male) that I should hold back, which just feels totally incorrect to me. I am not a game player. I am soft not forceful in my approach, I know what I require an put it our on the table right from the get go. Does this just mean that I am not finding men mature enough to handle an abundant, loving relationship. I feel they end up eventually feeling like they can't handle it and are not feeling worthy of me. They get scared it seems and bye, bye. This last guy I shared my disappointment in 3 situations that he kinda uninvited me to events that he was all about me coming to originally. I was not made just let him know I was disappointed and he may want to reconsider where he wants me to fit in at this point in the relationship, ,just so I can know how to better commit and respect myself. I have no problem taking it slower or whatever, but don't act all in and then all of a sudden when I engage act like it's to much all of a sudden and you are not ready. Very Confusing.

                                                                                                                            • Sheena Williams
                                                                                                                              Sheena Williams  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                              How is this her fault,you men need to stop acting like your dumb,its getting old.

                                                                                                                              • J .S
                                                                                                                                J .S  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                Cool = doormat.

                                                                                                                                • Trisha Taylor
                                                                                                                                  Trisha Taylor  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                  Matt, i did what you are saying here about being open and honest in my communication with the man i was so in love with. In the beginning he stepped it up but eventually he never really bettered himself like i did over the 15 years. I was always disappointed and would always express it. I am from NY and have NO problem expressing myself. For some it may be TOO honest and forthcoming , so be it. I would always feel lonely in the relationship or drive away after a perfectly great evening out together, sad and disconnected. Eventually he would break up with me saying things like, "Well if that 's how you feel around me then you might as well go your own way." See? Instead of talking with me about it...he just leaves. OK months go by and back he comes! Same thing just different year! This has been going on for 15 years. He will then get involved with another woman (because i remain open and honest about what i want in a relationship and a man) KNOWING he really wants to be with me, it doesn't work out and back he comes. I too have tried to move on but deep down i know we both want to be together. Weird stuff.

                                                                                                                                  • Stephanie Rogers
                                                                                                                                    Stephanie Rogers  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                    After the first time, I’d be saying something about this not making me happy. AND dude needs to get a spine and a backbone and find some priorities. Seriously. As a woman, I don’t want a man who can’t say no-esp I would think on the basketball coaching.

                                                                                                                                    • Claudia Pierce
                                                                                                                                      Claudia Pierce  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                      I am surprised! He is blindsided! The guy cancelled and interrupted the dates three times, and she explodes and he is surprised! He knew what he was doing! He was taking advantage of her kindness and didn’t value her time. And why is he answering his phone on a date? That’s completely rude. I would never do that. You sound like you are blaming women and we are the ones who have to fix it or change our behavior. It’s not the women’s responsabiity to teach him to be curtious and not selfish. I like your other videos, but this one is a disappointment. You need to re-evaluate this video and correct it. It’s not good to give this kind of advice that the audience feels is not the best one. Please upload videos that don’t dimeanish women giving the wrong advice to women. I agree with expressing how you feel about something from the beginning before it builds up , but this example is not a good one.

                                                                                                                                      • M
                                                                                                                                        M  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                        Wow, I really loved this one especially. I've always thought communication is the best key to avoid bad endings of relationships but didn't know exactly how to do it. Now I know, thanks to your advice. Thanks always!

                                                                                                                                        • Fran Lafferty
                                                                                                                                          Fran Lafferty  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                          What I really, really, REALLY do not understand is why she didn't just go WITH him... to get his son, his dog, coach the team... they could really get to know each other better, doing something unexpected like that together -- something spontaneous! Much better than something all formal and planned out, in my book. Three missed opportunities to have an adventure together! :wink:

                                                                                                                                          • Fran Lafferty
                                                                                                                                            Fran Lafferty  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                            And yes, Earth Ocean, I know it is a 6-hour drive... and all that. I understand it is inconvenient... but aren't relationships themselves inconvenient... and hadn't they already set aside that time for each other anyways?

                                                                                                                                            • earth ocean
                                                                                                                                              earth ocean  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                              Of course the kid was more important. Of course the dog was more important. Of course the game was unavoidable, thus more important. He could have included her in the last 2, though it sounds like he lived in SD & she lived in LA (over 2 hrs each way), so that's not feasible. Unfortunately, dude had three back-to-back unavoidable things happen. Hindsight, if she really liked him, she'd have cut him some slack. She probably shouldn't be dating a man with an ex wife and kid(s) though, as those 2 things up the complication factor 10 fold, at best! And probably should date men in her vicinity, cuz it doesn't sound like she has time for that long distance sh*t. *Great video!* I just did this in my newly budding relationship, so I only wish I would've watched this last week. ~ ACoolGirl

                                                                                                                                              • Lucia Seacreature
                                                                                                                                                Lucia Seacreature  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                I wouldn't want that guy either

                                                                                                                                                • Sharon Greenwood
                                                                                                                                                  Sharon Greenwood  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                  I am of the mind that if this is how it is always going down then it's not likely to change.

                                                                                                                                                  • Wandee L
                                                                                                                                                    Wandee L  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                    The guy did not think himself in her shoe. If he was on 3 dates with the girl and the girl had to cut it short 3 times in a roll, I'm sure the guy will think she is not interested in him.

                                                                                                                                                    • Dew Dropz
                                                                                                                                                      Dew Dropz  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                      So! Let him choose, tell him what you want and let him follow... is not it?

                                                                                                                                                      • Velvet Silk
                                                                                                                                                        Velvet Silk  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                        who has time for a man with that many issues? if you don't have time FOR ME, I don't have time for you.

                                                                                                                                                        • Velvet Silk
                                                                                                                                                          Velvet Silk  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                          why is the dog all the way in san diego?

                                                                                                                                                          • Happy Lady
                                                                                                                                                            Happy Lady  Anos atrás

                                                                                                                                                            Hey, sometimes things come up. It's up to the lady to deal with it or not.