The Benefits of Rejection | Magna Gopal | TEDxJerseyCity

  • Published: 03 October 2017
  • When we think of Salsa dancing, we think of big smiles, fancy moves, and people having fun. Rejection rarely comes to mind, though it is a very common aspect of a social partner dance. Using her own experience with rejection in dance, Magna will take us through her journey of personal growth and improved relationships.
    Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. Magna Gopal is a leading instructor and performer in the international Salsa dance industry and is renowned for her pedagogy, her creativity, and her philosophy. She uses the richness of partner dance to provide a deeper understanding into ourselves, our relationships with others, and the dynamics of communication.
    This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Comments • 357

  • Samsung J2
    Samsung J2  3 gün önce


    • horsefaceemily
      horsefaceemily  13 gün önce

      Being rejected by all woman`s Is a god save PHEW !.

      • MrBamshy
        MrBamshy  17 gün önce

        2:00 You just described what it feels like when a guy asks a lady out. Multiply that by 100 is how it feels to be the rejected dude! And this sounds like a pro-rejection talk :)

        • MetaThynk
          MetaThynk  17 gün önce

          I've been rejected from posting this message! But I kept on keeping on and here I AM :)

          • Ifeanyi Okonkwo
            Ifeanyi Okonkwo  22 gün önce

            U r sexy...i wont reject u

            • stephen gillis
              stephen gillis  25 gün önce

              since when do woman ask men out to be rejected.

              • pops1 pops1
                pops1 pops1  28 gün önce

                She is gorgeous

                • Kittrell Gaskins
                  Kittrell Gaskins  Aylar önce

                  That speech announcer is beautiful

                  • thedemi78
                    thedemi78  Aylar önce

                    Thank you

                    • Blaze Level
                      Blaze Level  Aylar önce

                      This could be one of the most powerful and most important speeches ever, to show to the sosial media generation growing up today!!!!

                      • Aldrian McCants
                        Aldrian McCants  Aylar önce

                        Who turned you down

                        • SHREENJAN DUTTA
                          SHREENJAN DUTTA  Aylar önce

                          So bizarre how this video appeared at the right time! Thank You ♥ I recently faced a rejection ☺️

                          • The Glow Up Blog
                            The Glow Up Blog  Aylar önce

                            So beautiful!!

                            • Paul Edwards
                              Paul Edwards  Aylar önce

                              I want to marry her too

                              • David G
                                David G  Aylar önce

                                Thanks. I took it personal for so long.

                                • Adam Taizul
                                  Adam Taizul  2 aylar önce

                                  Failure is the pillars of success .

                                  • lota68
                                    lota68  2 aylar önce

                                    A lecture about rejection from a stunningly beautiful woman unfortunately makes it less credible. Im sure she has rejected much more that she has been rejected.

                                    • All Day Shine LLC
                                      All Day Shine LLC  2 aylar önce

                                      I love these talks as they help me cope. I am using this as a tool to motivate my next page in my book (life)

                                      • javajimmy1090
                                        javajimmy1090  2 aylar önce

                                        I think it is nice, that she shares her insights. But I'm pretty sure, rejection is not what she thinks it is.

                                        • 3301
                                          3301  2 aylar önce

                                          She *T* *H* *I* *C* *C*

                                          • sanjay das
                                            sanjay das  2 aylar önce

                                            Loved the lesson!

                                            • cyantulip
                                              cyantulip  2 aylar önce

                                              Wow. She is just stunning.

                                              • jamesa4050
                                                jamesa4050  2 aylar önce

                                                well done, mmhmm. she lives up to her name.

                                                • joe blow
                                                  joe blow  2 aylar önce

                                                  She must be a conservative. Takes responsibility for her own actions.

                                                  • paul Drake
                                                    paul Drake  2 aylar önce

                                                    I don't think this pretty girl got rejected at all.

                                                    • Motelcalifornia2
                                                      Motelcalifornia2  2 aylar önce

                                                      (6:50) The ears on the cat are wrong. They are supposed to be flat. I know because I hate cats and cats hate me. I know that look.

                                                      • glam like
                                                        glam like  2 aylar önce

                                                        angelina jollie

                                                        • vvelasco54
                                                          vvelasco54  3 aylar önce

                                                          I just clicked the video bc she is beautiful.

                                                          • CoreLightMix
                                                            CoreLightMix  3 aylar önce

                                                            She got rejected? Bro people don’t know beauty,intellegence, And personality when they see it.

                                                            • dante sparda
                                                              dante sparda  2 aylar önce

                                                              you did not get it , she got rejected by few guys most women want to be witth, most men are invisible to her

                                                              • Lifen Zhong
                                                                Lifen Zhong  3 aylar önce

                                                                The speech just hit home. I can’t believe when I found this speech. I am learning to deal with rejection. I recently found out that I love ballroom dancing. I didn’t realize this is connected to dance. I am impressed.

                                                                • Crystal Walker
                                                                  Crystal Walker  3 aylar önce

                                                                  Do you want a one minute no, or a painful dishonest 3 hour yes?

                                                                  • aj palkow
                                                                    aj palkow  3 aylar önce

                                                                    “Rejection” is good for the soul- it keeps us humble.

                                                                    • Damon Owens
                                                                      Damon Owens  3 aylar önce

                                                                      Toooooo fine!!

                                                                      • The Glenn & Aaron Show
                                                                        The Glenn & Aaron Show  3 aylar önce

                                                                        I love her point about how we fear rejecting others because it seems socially acceptable.

                                                                        • Adam U
                                                                          Adam U  3 aylar önce

                                                                          Creatively spoken !!

                                                                          • Flávio Rogério
                                                                            Flávio Rogério  3 aylar önce

                                                                            Great lecture!

                                                                            • EseChava 22
                                                                              EseChava 22  3 aylar önce

                                                                              This is why I love milfs

                                                                              • walt porter
                                                                                walt porter  4 aylar önce

                                                                                Great talk

                                                                                • Sy Hong
                                                                                  Sy Hong  4 aylar önce

                                                                                  Rejection is God’s protection

                                                                                  • Terryl Miller
                                                                                    Terryl Miller  4 aylar önce

                                                                                    Who in their right mind would reject her if she asked them to dance? I'll dance with her anytime, anywhere.

                                                                                    • Sergi Serrano Guillem
                                                                                      Sergi Serrano Guillem  4 aylar önce

                                                                                      I feel that its very ironic that this talk came from a woman, just cause usually men are more exposed to this type of troubles.

                                                                                      • #1Lazer
                                                                                        #1Lazer  4 aylar önce

                                                                                        Manga- If you asked me out I'd say yes. If you ask me to dance I'll also say yes. Unfortunately my head and body move well, but it's like my feet are glued to the floor. I choose to be adventurous, because life is more than just a journey. If it's just a journey you can feel like a victim, stuff you have to go through... if it's an adventure, what happens is stuff to be experienced. Learn from it, better yourself! Seems you've heard of Jia Jiang.? On second thought. Maybe I wouldn't say yes... love your honesty. Though I guess it's realizing and be able to accept yours and others imperfections... okay, I switch to yes again. I asked a lady out recently. She said yes! But then she said no... but not without good reason. Makes me respect and be attracted to her even more.

                                                                                        • Malie
                                                                                          Malie  4 aylar önce

                                                                                          She know nothing about being rejected...she a pretty woman. She probably got rejected by 2 guys lol

                                                                                          • Brandon Jimenez
                                                                                            Brandon Jimenez  4 aylar önce

                                                                                            Thank you for sharing this positive message and understanding of rejection. I have never dealt with rejection in a good way and I am going to take what you have provided and apply to my new soon to be dating life. Thank you for having the courage and passion to share this information.

                                                                                            • CreativityRules4Ever
                                                                                              CreativityRules4Ever  5 aylar önce

                                                                                              I needed to hear this video - one of the BEST I've heard!! I am now at the age of 49, able to say NO to negative people & to say YES to properly caring for myself, setting boundaries with compassion & to learn from the pains of my past & turn them into GOLD. I am doing spoken word, creating art, writing & I now facilitate groups sometimes & am returning to SCHOOL in less than 2 months!!

                                                                                              • Mura Kami
                                                                                                Mura Kami  5 aylar önce

                                                                                                Dear Magna, You are a wonderful dancer. But you should really work on your self-esteem if you only allow comments unequivocally praising your videos. Goodbye.

                                                                                                • Kristin Kavanaugh
                                                                                                  Kristin Kavanaugh  5 aylar önce

                                                                                                  Magna, so been there! ( As a Salsa Dancer) It took a while but I had to learn how to say no as well. I have practiced my no delivery many times. I have had to learn to respect my own boundries and my feelings in a situations as well. I had to learn to stand up for myself. I always try to say no gracefully & with empathy as well. Thanks for sharing!

                                                                                                  • Lonje Maries Wisdom
                                                                                                    Lonje Maries Wisdom  5 aylar önce

                                                                                                    She’s beautiful

                                                                                                    • Vegan Marc
                                                                                                      Vegan Marc  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                      Weeellllllll....when people regard you as a monster time and time again it starts to wear into your self-perception. In some cases I'd rather live in ignorance rather than make the next request.

                                                                                                      • X Rated.
                                                                                                        X Rated.  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                        I love everything about her analogies and examples because they force you to recognize the root of why people say yes = because we don’t want to hurt others. It’s a natural human response to something because we do not ever intend to hurt someone, despite our genuine lack of interest. However this speech helped me understand my problem, once I rejected myself. I genuinely like being liked. My whole life I went about my day with most people liking me, my energy, my effort, the way I spoke. It was a serious wake up call to me when I was rejected by someone who ONCE liked me, I dismissed and he KEPT chasing me. I ended up dating him out of pity, I had IRRATIONAL anger around him, I was never amused by what he said to me but he was SUCH a nice, genuine guy that I couldn’t say no. The worst of it all, I knew he wasn’t for me but I couldn’t bring myself to understand I wasn’t good for HIM. He lifted my ego, praised me, showed me undivided attention but I, being the selfish egotistical girl I was back then, just rolled my eyes and bathed in his affection. Until one day, he decided he deserved..better. I was appalled. Better? Than ME? Everybody likes ME though, how could YOU not? My serious, embarrassing issue was that I had never been rejected before. Never been shown that someone wasn’t interested. But that day my outlook changed. Suddenly I liked him more, couldn’t move on from him when he found someone who GENUINELY loved him. After all the time we spent together - I no longer meant anything to him. That’s what brought me here. The reflection of being rejected. Because it helped me realize that understanding someone can most certainly CHOOSE not to say yes to you/dance with you/anything you wanna compare it to, they have the RIGHT to say no. And for whatever reason they want to - NOT taking it personal is key. They are telling you that they’d rather not waste their time and although they don’t wanna hurt your feelings, they aren’t obliged to participate if they themselves wouldn’t be enjoying their time. I said yes to second dates with men I barely remembered the names of and I felt entitled to their attention. But this video (and some therapy) helped me understand that this is..toxic. I thought I was being nice but the opposite of nice isn’t pity. It’s fairness. Respect yourself enough to learn that rejection for both parties isn’t personal, it just means they/you don’t wanna waste their time when their entire heart/head isn’t into it.

                                                                                                        • rean seou
                                                                                                          rean seou  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                          I'd dance with u

                                                                                                          • Rukia akerman
                                                                                                            Rukia akerman  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                            I really need it ...thank you so mich it cheers me up 😊 and remember me about what is important

                                                                                                            • Lauren Keyes
                                                                                                              Lauren Keyes  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                              This is a VERY good jewel. Thank you 💖

                                                                                                              • Tree Tree
                                                                                                                Tree Tree  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                                were the people in the club blind? What kind of clubs was this beautiful woman going to?

                                                                                                                • Tree Tree
                                                                                                                  Tree Tree  6 aylar önce

                                                                                                                  NO = NEXT OPPORTUNITY.

                                                                                                                  • Lee H
                                                                                                                    Lee H  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                    Beautifully said

                                                                                                                    • M 16
                                                                                                                      M 16  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                      The reason behind saying "NO" to when asked for the dance can be like..that man didn't know how to dance..or That man could be having partner.

                                                                                                                      • Amrita Mishra
                                                                                                                        Amrita Mishra  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                        I like it

                                                                                                                        • curragh 42
                                                                                                                          curragh 42  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                          Im sorry man. I just dont believe her. A good looking girl like that dont get rejected that often

                                                                                                                          • ws279 xL7
                                                                                                                            ws279 xL7  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                            👏👏👏👏 I love this! Makes a lot of sense. Now I will never feel bad about being rejected.

                                                                                                                            • Ahmed
                                                                                                                              Ahmed  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                              The only rejection that bothers me is romantic. I have been rejected from hundreds of jobs and many colleges but that doesn't bother me. I still feel extremely disturbed by the rejections from girls I've wanted. It's why I'm terrified to approach women.

                                                                                                                              • Patrick Arthur Atangana Ngono

                                                                                                                                She’s not talking about dancing obviously.

                                                                                                                                • Syne111
                                                                                                                                  Syne111  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                  that diamond tho

                                                                                                                                  • Indian Mentor
                                                                                                                                    Indian Mentor  7 aylar önce


                                                                                                                                    • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                      Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                      Thank you for taking the time to listen. 😊

                                                                                                                                      • Roy Godson
                                                                                                                                        Roy Godson  8 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                        Very important and helpful speech.

                                                                                                                                        • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                          Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                          Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. 😊

                                                                                                                                          • adr ian
                                                                                                                                            adr ian  8 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                            After few rejections you dont feel nothing...

                                                                                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                              Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                              The pain of rejection still exists but it becomes easier to deal with when I stopped making it personal. :)

                                                                                                                                              • Tia Turnbull
                                                                                                                                                Tia Turnbull  8 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                I have recently been thinking about how people attach their identity to situations. If someone puts a rock in the middle of the sidewalk and you keep moving it because you are stubbing your toe. They keep moving it back because they see everything as a win/lose personal battle. They are unwilling to talk about it and see kindness as weakness, don't listen and keep moving the rock back. What do you do?

                                                                                                                                                • Tia Turnbull
                                                                                                                                                  Tia Turnbull  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                  Thank you. Happy Holidays to you too.

                                                                                                                                                  • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                                    Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                    @Tia Turnbull Thanks for the explanation and the chat. 😊 Happy holidays!

                                                                                                                                                    • Tia Turnbull
                                                                                                                                                      Tia Turnbull  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                      BTW, the rock story has to do with how people attach their identity to a thing, situation or other thought. Then now that they have made the conversation about the thing about themselves, they defensively fight to win instead of separating their identity from the thing in order to look at the issue. Look at the " It is what it is" The subject is what works best regardless of who's idea it is. Many people don't realize that they are automatically reacting with intensity in their own winning favor instead of looking at the situation from a let's resolve it in the best way possible no matter who's idea it is. There is no win-lose, only solutions that work best for all involved once we understand each others ideas about it.

                                                                                                                                                      • Tia Turnbull
                                                                                                                                                        Tia Turnbull  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                        Thank you Magna. Actually it was helpful to me to understand from H.H. that people are regurgitating scenes from childhood where they didn't get there needs met. That way my main focus is not to take on for myself what they are accusing me of. They are not even talking to me, they are saying what they felt when they were 4, 5, 6 etc.. years old but could not articulate it then. So there is nothing for me to explain or defend. All I need to do is reflect, validate and empathize. It makes alot of sense, it reminds me of Byron Katie when she says " I can see how you would feel, see or say that when you are thinking that thought." Brilliant.

                                                                                                                                                        • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                                          Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                          @Tia Turnbull I understand now. Most of us weave a story that benefits our narrative. Depending on how ingrained our beliefs are, it's quite possible that we can't see the other side. Or we just keep talking and pushing until we hear our version regurgitated back to us. In dealing with people like this (which includes myself sometimes) the best approach is to stay true to your own intention. Speak honestly and with compassion. If you're lucky, the person you're speaking to will pause and reflect. Change isn't guaranteed but neither should it be sought. The pause and the reflection are quite a feat in themselves. If our approach to the interactions that don't result in a change is to be frustrated then perhaps we are just as tied to our own way of doing /seeing things as the people we are trying to change. At the end of the day, self reflection and personal growth are the things actually within our control. Just focus on that and let the world come around...or not. 😉 Hope that helps! 😊

                                                                                                                                                          • MubarakStayBless Mohammed
                                                                                                                                                            MubarakStayBless Mohammed  8 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                            Be honest to yourself be unapologetically. Yes yes No no

                                                                                                                                                            • VerdisQuo999
                                                                                                                                                              VerdisQuo999  9 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                              It gets very interesting around 10:30. Very good advice.

                                                                                                                                                              • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                                                Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                Thank you! 🙏

                                                                                                                                                                • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                                                                                                  daphney kokui klu  9 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                  If GOD rejects you it's a terrifying situation, but if its man... not exactly a problem!

                                                                                                                                                                  • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                                                                                                    daphney kokui klu  3 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                    @Carina Carter do you have a mind? Yes, you do. Do you see your mind? No, you dont, but you know you have a brain, that has a mind, thinks, feels, analyzes. Yes, there is A GOD and He loves you a whole bunch, you just cant see Him just yet!

                                                                                                                                                                    • Carina Carter
                                                                                                                                                                      Carina Carter  3 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                      @daphney kokui klu you don't know any of that. You can't prove God exist. Period.

                                                                                                                                                                      • daphney kokui klu
                                                                                                                                                                        daphney kokui klu  3 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                        @Carina Carter who created you my dear Carina? GOD or something else? Is man more real than GOD to you? I've been rejected before, so many times until I learnt that My Creator will never reject me. Besides, JESUS CHRIST Who died for you and me was rejected too. So now i believe man's rejection is no big deal so long as GOD doesn't reject me. Wishing you the very best!

                                                                                                                                                                        • Carina Carter
                                                                                                                                                                          Carina Carter  3 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                          Man is REAL. Rejection hurts. Keep whatever God you believe in out of it.

                                                                                                                                                                          • newtoninspired
                                                                                                                                                                            newtoninspired  9 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                            Magna Gopal, this is really like a next level of feeling rejection from a different professional life that stands so resonating with any general rejection faced in life. Thanks to TEDx to bring you on the global platform of sharing. Your talk makes me see the purpose of TEDx justified. Really, great talk. Nice to know a little bit of living in the dance industry too.

                                                                                                                                                                            • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                                                              Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                              Thank you for taking the time to listen and I'm glad to hear the content of this talk resonated with you. I'm trying to post more content related to these issues that we all deal with. Have a look at my channel. You might enjoy some of the videos. 😊

                                                                                                                                                                              • These Truths
                                                                                                                                                                                These Truths  9 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                                Only salsa dancers can wear and walk a pair of high heels like this gal clearly demonstrated! I think any guys that denied her a dance were probably a waste of oxygen consumption! Lol

                                                                                                                                                                                • These Truths
                                                                                                                                                                                  These Truths  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                                  @Magna Gopal Merry Christmas! I agree with you. I was being goofy. I was rejected quite a bit from the apples of my eyes when I was younger, and I know they weren't being personal...I should not have had a mullet!!! All my good intentions could not be seen because of that goofy mullet! Lol. 😂 Thank you though. It was nice to hear back from you. That's rarely the case. Stay kind and keep smiling...kind ladies like you make up for a thousand meanies. 🙃

                                                                                                                                                                                  • Magna Gopal
                                                                                                                                                                                    Magna Gopal  7 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                                    I appreciate that compliment. I'll tell you, my first steps walking out on stage made me think heels were a bad idea but I got comfortable quite quickly. As for the guys that rejected me, they all have their worth. What I've learned is that their rejection doesn't have to affect mine. 😊

                                                                                                                                                                                    • Kishalay Sinha
                                                                                                                                                                                      Kishalay Sinha  10 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                                      Although I feel zero interest in western dances such as ballet etc. which seem odd to Me, I have reached 10:28 of this talk and will listen to the end of the talk at 27:50, I think, because this is a very practical talk full of helpful advice on how to deal with rejection, which is universal. I would like to add that it is just not possible to say yes to everyone and say yes to everything asked for. This should not be regarded as rejection but as a realistic response. Of course, in all such cases of "rejection", an effort should be made as a matter of courtesy to make the "rejection" as soft and gentle as possible. In some cases, however, it might be wise to make the "rejection" seem blunt for the good of an applicant when it seems that he or she will not listen to reason. - G

                                                                                                                                                                                      • Aleksandra Krysińska
                                                                                                                                                                                        Aleksandra Krysińska  10 aylar önce

                                                                                                                                                                                        It's super cool, that such a intelligent, neat woman share that she was turned down, even if it comes to dating