How To Spot A Narcissist | Relationship Advice For Women by Mat Boggs

  • Published: 05 October 2017
  • Mat Boggs shares relationship advice for women and how to spot a narcissist a mile away so you can run in the opposite direction and instead attract someone who's healthy for you!

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    Mat Boggs Bio:

    As a sought-after dating and relationship coach for women and international speaker, Mat Boggs has helped thousands of women understand men, improve their relationships, and attract the relationship they want.

    As the best-selling author of Project Everlasting, and creator of Cracking The Man Code, Mat Boggs? dating and relationship advice has been featured on national media including The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, Oprah and Friends, and many more.

    Mat?s Mission: To increase love in the world, one heart at a time.

    As a dating coach for women, Mat believes that your history does not determine your destiny, and that you are more powerful than any circumstance you are facing. The relationship dream in your heart really can become the life you love living!

    Mat Boggs highly acclaimed relationship programs have served women around the world in all age groups from 20yrs old to over 70yrs old.

    If you?re interested in receiving help attracting love or improving your relationship click here:

    Directed and Editing By: Alexis Garcia
    Written By: Mathew Boggs

    Related Topics:
    Dating Advice For Women
    Relationship Advice For Women
    Relationship Coach For Women
    Dating Coach For Women
    Dating, Relationships, understanding men, Dating Advice, Love Advice Relationship Advice, How Men Think, What Men Want, What attracts men, How to attract a man, how to create lasting love, how to know if he likes you, signs your man likes you.

Comments • 487

  • Kerri M
    Kerri M  3 weeks back

    RESPECT !!! One word

    • StandupGirl1981
      StandupGirl1981  4 weeks back

      Isn't self love what attracts them to you anyways?? They want what you possess because they themselves don't have it! So they set out to destroy what's right within you!

      • Emily Turrini
        Emily Turrini  1 months back

        Matt this is a great video. I'm stuck in a relationship with a guy who has only just realised that he needs a job and has a lot of maturing to do. I'm being fair to him as he's been asking me out for 6 years and I always said no, until a year ago. He has all these big dreams which is great but he's never been confident enough to get off his bum and do the hard work to make those dreams come true. He has only just started to take responsibility for his past life choices but still blames other reasons for why he made those decisions in the first place. We've been together now for 1 year and he's already bought the engagement ring and is always saying that everything he's doing now is for me because it's me or no one. I keep telling him not to do things for me or to prove to me that he can do those things. I told him that if he's not able to do those things simply to improve himself and his future prospects then he'll struggle to do it in a relationship. I'm at breaking point with it, sometimes I think it's just because we live in different countries, sometimes I think my standards are too high. I'm finding that I say what I am thinking or feeling to him but his response makes me change what I initially said so that he doesn't feel so bad. Since his sudden reality check he's constantly complaining how hard and complicated life is. He wants a life with me but is trying to secure the relationship and build a life with me without any foundation. For example, a steady job doesn't need to be rolling in cash but in a stable financial situation, his CV is basically blank, he's 32 by the way. To put things into perspective, I am battling Complex PTSD and I've nearly 30 qualifications, I've had many jobs in the past, currently I do voluntary work as I'm too poorly to hold a steady job. Yet even though I've graduated I've tried committing suicide so often but I'm still here and still ploughing on with my life. I have got to the point where I don't know how I feel about him and I've never been sure about the future. I'm supporting him but I'm so stressed with it all that grone every time he calls or messages me. He's planning and building his whole life around me and it's making me feel pressured that I have to stick around and make it work. I love the fact he's crazy about me I'm just really not confident that there's a future here. I feel as though I'm the one who is being too hard on him and that I'm the one in the wrong. Help.

        • Ty
          Ty  2 months back

          Most everyone on social media is a narcissist. It’s pretty obvious. They all fit the definition of a narcissist.

          • Anna Nark Free from Stockport England

            My ExNark was
            1. Total entitlement
            2. Pathological lier
            3. Emotional unavailable
            4.minimum texts & not available to ever speak to on the phone
            5.never bought gifts for xmas birthdays Valentine
            6.constantly finish relationship then come back every 2 weeks

            • Anna Nark Free from Stockport England

              My ExNark having sex with me while i had migraine then expected a lift home....and hundreds of other selfish ways

              • kavitha nayak
                kavitha nayak  2 months back

                Hey...I met this guy at the gym... initially when we just stared chatting he collected max info about me and was very nice and attentively replied to my text msgs....It felt good....and all of a sudden he stopped msg or replying to my text...guilt tripping me and then he came back and stared asking me NUDES....I asked him wat was our relationship status???....he said no commitment....just friends....friends with benefits...bla bla bla.... luckily I did enough research on this behavior and figured he was a narrssist....omg...this also helped in healing my inner wounds of attracting such emotionally manipulative and unavailable men🙏🙏🙏

                • Emokiriemi Abednego
                  Emokiriemi Abednego  2 months back

                  Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally  married to me here in UK is also recently married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail  (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.

                  • FLAVIA DINIZ
                    FLAVIA DINIZ  3 months back

                    I came to know a narcisist 6 months ago. I met this guy in a Bar in Rio de janeiro, He is from Germany, Im from Brazil. Everything was fine untill she showed the first red flag: tryed to force me into a sex night in his hotel, even after i had told him i was not comfortable that night for anything like that. I ran, came back home and we kept texting each other afterwards....Weeks later, he came back to germany, but i had told him i was going to italy the following month for vacations....he kida of invited himself to join me in Italy....Then, next month...we met in Italy...15 days travelling with this guy around Italy....There were very nice moments, good laughs, he was gentle, funny...but other several times, all the red flags showed up again, leading to miserable moments where i caught myself a bit sad...even though i was happy knowing such beautiful country...He kinda had this magical power of making me feel sad, without having clear perception why i was sad...the reason was BEING AROUND THIS GUY....All the sigs you told, he manifested...It was all about him..every morning, this guy spent 2 hours in toilet arranging his hair....but, there was a night when i decided to put make up, because we would have dinner with my sister and friend....this guy burst out, over my make up...????...The several attempts to make me feel lower, with sudden despising comments out of nowhere...comments like.." Dont you think it would be easier to find a guy to marry when you were younger...?????"...demeaning comments over my clothes..." you like to show yourself to men"....He also threw a lot of temper tamtruns, out of nowhere....He got mad cause he thought he had got a five for parking in forbidden spot....and he decided to treat we with despise, walking in front of me, disappearing from my sight sometimes....even though i had nothing to do with that....He also burst out once over some slight, i dropped a bit of water from the sink....Anyway....I would never marry a guy like this one....Its completely clear to me this guy is a huge red flag, and deeply in my heart i pity the previous girls that have fallen in love with this guy...He is the coldest person i have ever met..Not to mention that he usually made some comments that were meant to despise other people.....I cant imagine this guy marrying any women cause i cant figure it out how someone can handle a person like this.....He is the clearest type of narcisist guy i ever came to Know.....Finally...i have tickets for Germany in is all set up and this guy will host me.... I am clearly aware of the problems this guy has...and i have to intentions to have a future with him...This is true that sometimes he is able to protagonize some joyful moments, sometimes he acts gentleman.....thats why you get confused to see the bad traits...but now i have a clear picture of who this guy really is and i run from him....I will only use him, because i really want to know Germany and go for my next vacations...

                    • Susan Winters
                      Susan Winters  3 months back

                      The man I’m waiting for acts with integrity, is passionate, looks at the world through wondrous eyes, expresses his creative side, is joyfully expectatant, playful, and respectful. He’ll laugh a lot.

                      • Sandra Mullen
                        Sandra Mullen  3 months back

                        I've just got rid of one thanks for the clarification. Constant sexual texts, all about him, and what he wants.. I feel such a fool to have lasted so long in this. 😠

                        • Kate MCL
                          Kate MCL  3 months back

                          I spent two years with a domintaing and emotionally abusive narc and the roller coaster he took me on totally screwed me up. Never again! Don’t ignore red flags...they are there at the start. If you don’t know about narc red up on them. They love to tell you victim stories early on to get you to pity and feel sorry for’s a way of making them look vulnerable to gain your trust. After the lovebombing, the abuse starts...

                          • Swizly Summer
                            Swizly Summer  3 months back

                            This is why love bombing is so intense to move the intimacy fast to — SEX. Let’s be real here. Everyone who dated a narcissist have that point where we are pressured to get physical ahead before anything else getting to know them.

                            • Erica smith
                              Erica smith  4 months back

                              I felt being cheated and abused but i needed to make sure my instincts were true until i was referred to a hacking company  who took care of the hack job. They hacked him, I’m glad i had a proven truth that he was cheating. Contact them if you need help on

                              • Zechariah 4:6
                                Zechariah 4:6  4 months back

                                Thank you Matthew for getting the word out. I just commented on your latest video that dropped today July 25th about the 10 Things I should know before getting hitched. I forgot to comment or mention that I got out of that 16 year marriage with a narcissist. You are right on the money. If you don't do your research or you're not aware you will fall prey to these type of individuals. Unfortunately this personality type is quite plentiful and you will be slowly and subtly sucked in if you're not very careful and if you don't have good healthy boundaries and a good sense of self-esteem. My narcissist Lord me in shortly after I moved to a new state to begin my career and he sucked me dry over 16 years. I am grateful to God that I was given the strength to remove myself from that relationship. Please please please everyone pay close attention to these points that Matthew has. Write them down post them all around your house all around your workplace. 16 years is a long time to lose. I am daily trying to forgive myself for ignoring the red flags and wasting so much time but thanks to Matthews videos I am back and better then before and looking so forward to being in love with the right one for me. Blessings and love to all of you from North Carolina

                                • Dart Hyda
                                  Dart Hyda  4 months back

                                  I’ve been with narcissistic person for 2 was horrible..i was down, i felt useless..he always make me think that i dont have value..he always said that i should be grateful as he wanted to be with no one will want me..he curse me everyday, hurt me, call me names (bad one)..i’m glad its i feel happy and alive again..

                                  • Ayana J
                                    Ayana J  4 months back

                                    Kindness, Mat, is what I want in my next relationship. My ex was either bipolar or mean...changed on me all of a sudden..started blaming me for everything, never had my back---a very lonely feeling.

                                    • Sophie Mariff
                                      Sophie Mariff  4 months back

                                      1. It’s all about him.
                                      “Sophie, how I hurt you can never compare to how my ex hurt me.”
                                      2. Lack of reliability.
                                      “I might just come back for you.”
                                      *proceeds to break my heart after doing the deed*
                                      3. Instant gratification.
                                      “We keep kissing in your car and doing this but never have sex because of your religion. How long do you want to keep doing this?”
                                      4. Entitlement
                                      “I don’t need another liar in my life.”
                                      *proceeds to admit to lying throughout our relationship*
                                      5. Criticizer
                                      “If only you’d just listen to me and do your makeup like how I tell you to, you’d actually look like one of those beautiful Instagram models.”

                                      When you give an ugly guy a chance but he act like you’re the ugly one lmao

                                      • Carline Paris
                                        Carline Paris  5 months back

                                        I want a man who is kind, loving, considerate, love me unconditionally, my best friend, we can be open and honest and support each other and we can make each other better individual.

                                        • Sondra Myles
                                          Sondra Myles  5 months back

                                          I wish I would have known this 6 months ago. I finally went no contact in mid March. The first couple of weeks were hard; however, I'm much better.

                                          • Paula C
                                            Paula C  5 months back

                                            We have all dealt with these douche bags. Go by your gut if they are narcissistic or not.. borderline personality is not funny or sociopathic personality so many out there. Mine was a lawyer. Today I can't stand lawyers. I fixed his ass good. He no doubt still doing the same crap.

                                            • Paula C
                                              Paula C  5 months back

                                              Carry a cross and holy water.. your gonna need it. It's the devil bottom line.. so many walk this earth.. the dicks!!

                                              • Christina Furtuna
                                                Christina Furtuna  5 months back

                                                I just want to be happy in to be pampered sometimes, laugh a lot and simply enjoy the moment... basicaly I want both of us to enjoy monents together :)

                                                • Farah Diba
                                                  Farah Diba  5 months back

                                                  Great responsibilities, smart, great decision maker, workhart,

                                                  • amanda wetsch
                                                    amanda wetsch  5 months back

                                                    Do you have any advice for long distance relationships?

                                                    • Lindsay Finn
                                                      Lindsay Finn  5 months back

                                                      My father is a Narcissist and it sucks! And I have not see him or spoke to him like in 5 or 6 years now.

                                                      • Dee Luu
                                                        Dee Luu  5 months back

                                                        I finally realized, I want a fully committed relationship where we spend lots of time together. Great interesting conversations. Im done with men ignoring me until they want sex. Putting everything else before me, always using a good excuse that I can't argue with..thank you for making me realize I'll only get treated with value if I value myself...back to the drawing are a great explainer..thank you

                                                        • A.C Artist
                                                          A.C Artist  5 months back

                                                          Mum feels entitled for no reason and calls herself a nice person doing no wrong to anyone, constantly telling me what my weakness are, what am not capable of doing, gossiping about her daughters live and me to others and saying she is stressed out and can't be happy because her daughters are unhappy,n depressed and sick but will not admit it to themselves and I cannot be happy and stress free when they are sick and my daughter disrespects me by spending alot of time in her room, not hanging out with me doing the activities I like to do and she communicates with me very little and doesn't help me out in the house or pay rent in my house.

                                                          Mum behaves like a victim on a regular basis and never owns up to her attitude or mindset and her strong habit of interfering with her adult daughter life by completing removing their ability and power and choice to make a decision or to take a certain direction in life and when she does this, she says how good she is and kind she is and how much she is showing that she cares about her daughters. very recently, she told me I need to get my hair cut and that I should stay in my home area because I only go another town every month, which is only two nights so I might as well do stuff around my home town where Mum is and that I must be doing something wrong if I want my privacy with other companions and to be a lone-wolf and because I would rather do it away from my home-town.

                                                          Mum thinks I want to be in another town because people don't know me. Any county or town or country where there are connections to my mother and relatives, I want to be away from because my privacy would exposed and word spread to my mother and relatives and people who know Mum and then Mum and or others she knows will boss me about, take all the power away from me by lecturing me and dictating how I should live life.

                                                          At the moment she tells me that she is not allowing my younger sister to stay in a hostel, live in a hostel because my sister is not capable of living in a hostel so she will make sure that my younger sister moves back with Mum. Mum used a ploy to move me back into her house by suggesting and expecting me to have her as my carer so she could get an allowance so she could get more money and all my relatives were trying to encourage me to allow her to get that allowance.

                                                          • A.C Artist
                                                            A.C Artist  5 months back

                                                            could it be a Mother?

                                                            • Melissa Leinen
                                                              Melissa Leinen  6 months back

                                                              Change the way I perceive a person. Know when it's time to give up on the idea.

                                                              • Bonnita Cazares
                                                                Bonnita Cazares  6 months back

                                                                I want a man to think I'm cool. :p I just want him to be impressed by me and want to show me off.

                                                                • Truth Seeker
                                                                  Truth Seeker  6 months back

                                                                  A vulnerable man not afraid to express his feelings, a brave man with principal who stands up & goes after what he wants.

                                                                  • C Lombardi
                                                                    C Lombardi  6 months back

                                                                    Matt you are handsome, smart and funny and I appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that you share here. Thank you! ❤👍🤗

                                                                    • charleen hopkins
                                                                      charleen hopkins  6 months back

                                                                      never work with me , well not that any way.

                                                                      • Curtistine Miller
                                                                        Curtistine Miller  6 months back

                                                                        Narrrccissts are so in Denial the best thing to do with one is to 🏃 they are so self absorbed and full of thier own importance that you just need to go no contact ,,,,,,,,,,

                                                                        • Kris Ayla Bautista
                                                                          Kris Ayla Bautista  6 months back

                                                                          Chouse - a cheating spouse.

                                                                          • I. Bosquez
                                                                            I. Bosquez  6 months back

                                                                            I want a man who wants the same things out of life that I do. Somebody who is honest, funny, true likes to travel and wants to care for me, loves me for me, not for what he can get out of me. I want a noble man do they make Knights anymore? It's like a fairytale. My wish is the wish of millions of women but we all know we won't get our wish, anyway those are my thoughts.

                                                                            • I. Bosquez
                                                                              I. Bosquez  6 months back

                                                                              When I need to feel strong I wear a navy blue shirt, that would be the color of my confidence. With that shirt or that feeling I get from the shirt, I can do anything, talk to anybody, go through any hard time and come out a better person for it, having learned some lesson along the way. I also like to watch Annie Lennox sing Sweet Dreams. She's such a strong woman. She looks like she doesn't take anybody's crap. 👔

                                                                              • Ginger Tillson
                                                                                Ginger Tillson  7 months back

                                                                                Commitment, respect for me, don't rush things at all, a man who's caring, kind, considerate, and closer to my age not wanting sex until marriage

                                                                                • peacefull eagle
                                                                                  peacefull eagle  7 months back

                                                                                  you just need to say no and wait for the reaction

                                                                                  • Lava Yuki
                                                                                    Lava Yuki  7 months back

                                                                                    i had one and left them after a month. I'm very sensitive to even the smallest bit of criticism so im quick to run away from narcissists. They usually don't even get past friend zone with me, if they manage to get beyond acquaintance level. I've also had friends like that and it always ended up in falling out and the friendship ended.

                                                                                    • Patricia Benavente Alcaide

                                                                                      The qualities I like in a man are the following: respectful, with good manners, polite, firm but kind, generous, truthful, humble, willing to be of service to others, caring, patient, fun, with a proper concern for personal care, hard-working, responsible, with integrity, responsible and loyal. If possible that he knows to do things as a handy man and knows numbers and technology (computers and phones) --since I'm not very good at this. :)

                                                                                      • roman mahad20
                                                                                        roman mahad20  8 months back

                                                                                        The best thing I did was dumb a narcissist

                                                                                        • Maya's Channel
                                                                                          Maya's Channel  8 months back

                                                                                          I would say in a relationship that I desire, I’m grateful for a man who is content and satisfied with me and our relationship alone. He encompasses monogamy and commitment. He is appreciate and respectful of me and others. I’m grateful for a man who is affectionate, kind, communicative and authentic. He is stable and healthy, mentally emotionally, spiritually and physically. And last our attraction and chemistry is a perfect fit, we are a great match, best friends and have matching values and morals.

                                                                                          • Shannon Brown
                                                                                            Shannon Brown  8 months back

                                                                                            This is my ex husband to a tee!!!!!

                                                                                            • CobaltLobo
                                                                                              CobaltLobo  8 months back

                                                                                              I decided to finally break up with my narcissist ex cause I wasn't going to take his abuse and refusal to get help for his alcoholism and with the way he was treating me, it just got worse and worse. I didn't have what he wanted from me anymore so I stopped it all before he discarded me. and now hes been binge drinking, going out to bars and puking his guts out cause he's sad. it's like had your chance and now you want more pity so you can re-up your supply since I decided to leave you

                                                                                              • CobaltLobo
                                                                                                CobaltLobo  8 months back

                                                                                                crazy thing is that my ex knew he was a narcissist and acted like it was some sort of gift to have.

                                                                                                • CobaltLobo
                                                                                                  CobaltLobo  8 months back

                                                                                                  I found out that my ex was pretty much only having sex with me our entire relationship for sexual gratification. like him pleasing me made him feel good about his sexual performance. it wasn't about intimacy and bonding and a deep connection of emotions, it was just about being satisfied the he could sexually please me. AKA I was pretty much his sex toy. he even admitted that he liked having sex with me cause it made him feel powerful and dominant.